


Fish Bowl

by HarborPointeBlvd



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bisexual Hinata Shouyou, Exes, Flashbacks, Kagehina in their thirties, M/M, Minor Tanaka Ryuunosuke/Shimizu Kiyoko, divorced dad hinata, hinata is not on a first name basis with the gods, kageyama is a recluse, personal trainer tanaka, pro athletes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24906919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarborPointeBlvd/pseuds/HarborPointeBlvd
Summary: Shouyou has the career he always wanted, at the small cost of any kind of personal life. Now at the height of his fame and going through a very public divorce, he receives a helping hand from the last person he’d expect.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 130
Kudos: 247
Collections: Haikyuu best fics vluv99





	1. Vacancy

It started with a parking space.

That’s not entirely true, though. If you wanted the whole story, then it started with a middle school volleyball tournament, where Shouyou Hinata met Tobio Kageyama for the first time. If not for him, Shouyou’s life probably never would have gone in the direction it did.

Shouyou was having a bad day. A barely-slept, skipped-morning-workout, late-for-court-appointment kind of day. It was the kind of day that made him wish he had a normal job, like a car salesman or a realtor. Then maybe he could live a normal life. Come home after a long day of selling cars or showing houses, kiss his wife and sit down to dinner with his family.

Instead he was circling the parking lot outside the courthouse, trying to find an open stall. He was already anticipating an earful for being late, so when he spotted a car pulling out in the row nearest the building, it was like the gods were telling him, “Here, Hinata. You can have one good thing today.”

And, sure, another car coming from the other direction had already been waiting patiently for this one to pull out, but Shouyou was closer. He’d feel bad about it later, when he had some free time.

He whipped into the empty space, his compact car easily making the sharp turn. The other driver honked at him, which was to be expected. Shouyou shrugged it off. What he wasn’t expecting was for the other car to stop directly behind his, and for a tall, fearsome-looking figure to step out and march toward him.

The gods were playing a dirty trick on him.

Shouyou took a few sharp breaths, trying to calm himself. The other driver banged on his window, shouting obscenities. He looked even bigger now, next to Shouyou’s tiny car. He could only see up to the man’s torso through his window. And, yes, Shouyou had been having a bad day. A bad year, really. But he was not ready to die just yet.

He opened his window a crack. “Please don’t kill me, I have a kid!” he pleaded.

“Dumbass!” the angry man responded, and Shouyou froze.

He knew that voice. It had been ten years since he’d heard it, but he could not hear it for thirty more years and still know that voice. He rolled his window down further.

“Kageyama?”

The tall figure crouched down, and a familiar furrowed brow appeared in the window.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Kageyama replied.

It hurt a little, to know that Kageyama still hated him after all this time. But Shouyou supposed he deserved it, just like he deserved everything else that was going wrong in his life.

“I can…” Shouyou’s heart pounded. “I’ll move.”

“Forget it,” Kageyama said. “I’m already late for my appointment anyway.”

Shouyou studied him curiously. So Kageyama was late for a court date too. The world was getting smaller by the minute. “Appointment for what?” he asked.

Kageyama scowled. “None of your business!”

“Fine,” Shouyou said with a shrug. “I’m already assuming the worst anyway.”

He started to roll up his window and Kageyama cleared his throat. Shouyou paused.

“Minor…road rage incident,” Kageyama grumbled, and Shouyou snorted. “It’s not funny, asshole!”

“Well considering you just came over here to murder me over a parking spot, it kinda is.”

Kageyama crossed his arms. “Well, what are you here for then, Mr. Perfect, since you can do no wrong?”

Shouyou’s face fell, and Kageyama looked almost gleeful.

“Oh my god, is it bad? Did you commit a crime?”

“No,” Shouyou said softly. “I’m getting divorced.”

Kageyama didn’t respond, but he looked slightly ashamed. Shouyou silently rolled up his window, and Kageyama stepped out of the way so he could open his door.

“We’re trying to keep it quiet,” Shouyou said, locking his door behind him.

“Of course,” Kageyama said, and Shouyou knew his word was good. Even if Kageyama still hated him, he more than anyone respected public figures’ right to privacy. They had the same job, after all.

Shouyou took a deep breath. “Well, it was good to see you,” he lied.

He turned to walk away, and Kageyama called out softly, “Shouyou.”

Shouyou’s breath caught in his throat.

Kageyama coughed. “Hinata,” he corrected himself.

Shouyou didn’t turn around. “Yeah?”

“Do you want to get a drink later?”

~

He didn’t know why he said yes. He and Kageyama weren’t friends. They were practically strangers now, and besides, Shouyou wasn’t a drinker. Tanaka was very strict about that, and he was already going to have Shouyou’s ass for skipping his morning training session.

The bar was small and secluded, on the outskirts of town. Shouyou was surprised Kageyama even knew about this place, since he wasn’t a drinker either.

Or maybe he was now. They hadn’t spoken in years, and Kageyama was better than any athlete Shouyou knew at keeping his personal activities out of the media. Shouyou didn’t know how he did it. He was pretty careful himself, but snippets of his personal life still managed to leak once in a while. But he’d never heard even a whisper about Kageyama.

Shouyou quickly decided he wasn’t missing much by not drinking. His chest felt warm, and his skin tingled, but not in a pleasant way.

“How are you such a lightweight?” Kageyama asked him, as the bartender placed a second drink in front of Shouyou. “You ate before this, right?”

“Oh,” Shouyou said softly. Yet another reason for the tongue-lashing he was looking forward to from Tanaka. “I guess I forgot. I was nervous.”

“Idiot.”

“Yeah,” Shouyou agreed, sipping on his second drink. He didn’t know what it was, but it tasted like battery acid, and he knew his body would hate him for it later. “Your body is a temple,” he could hear Tanaka lecturing.

“Why were you nervous?” Kageyama asked.

Shouyou laughed. He hadn’t seen Kageyama since before he got married, and now here he was popping back into his life the day he finalized his divorce, and he wanted to know why Shouyou was nervous?

Kageyama sighed, and they downed their drinks in unison.

“Don’t ever get married,” Shouyou advised, slamming his glass down on the bar.

“You know I can’t,” Kageyama said pointedly.

Shouyou’s face grew hot, and not from the alcohol. “Right.”

Kageyama absently swirled the ice around in the bottom of his glass.

“Where are you staying?” he asked.

“I got a hotel room. It’s close to Tanaka’s studio, so it works out, I guess.”

“You’re renting by the night? Isn’t divorce expensive?”

“That’s why drinks are on you,” Shouyou replied, flagging down the bartender.

“I have a guest bedroom,” Kageyama said, and Shouyou choked.

“You hate me!”

Kageyama didn’t disagree. “It will save you money,” he said simply.

“I’m not  _ broke _ ,” Shouyou said, almost offended. He was worth a lot to the V.League, one of the most popular players among volleyball fans, a real underdog story. “I’m at the top of my game right now, thank you very much.”

The bartender slid two more drinks in front of them and Kageyama took a long swig of his.

“You just seem lonely,” he said after a pause, and Shouyou stared at him.

He was lonely, but he hadn’t expected Kageyama to notice. He’d never been that perceptive off the volleyball court. Maybe Shouyou was easier to read when he was a little bit drunk.

He thought about all the choices he’d made up to this point. Wondered how his life would be different if he’d made better ones. If he hadn’t chosen his career over his family every chance he got. Would he have been happier? He didn’t know who he was without volleyball. But he’d never even stopped to consider who he would be without his family.

“Do you ever think about retiring?” he asked.

“What kind of stupid question is that?” Kageyama replied.

~

“Hinata. Wake up.”

Shouyou pinched his eyes shut tighter. His head hurt and his stomach felt weird and he was not ready to be awake yet.

“You made the tabloids.”

Shouyou opened his eyes. It took a moment for them to adjust, but when they did, he saw Kageyama standing over him looking concerned.

“Am I at your house?” he choked. His throat was dry.

“You were too drunk to tell me where your hotel was,” Kageyama replied. “Here.”

He shoved his smartphone in Shouyou’s face. The headline on the screen read, “V.League star Shouyou Hinita divorces wife Chiharu after five years.”

“Shit,” Shouyou said, sitting up and regretting it immediately when his head started to spin.

Kageyama placed a warm hand on his shoulder to steady him. Shouyou took an unsteady breath.

Chiharu was going to kill him now, probably. How had this gotten out? Had someone overheard him at the bar? Seen him at the courthouse?

Kageyama slid his phone into his pocket before sitting down on the bed beside him. “I can’t believe you ended up marrying her,” he said.

“Yeah, well.” Shouyou pulled his knees up to his chest. “It was good. Before it wasn’t.”

“So what happened?”

Shouyou shrugged. “I think everything changed after Mei was born. I was always traveling and Chiharu was overwhelmed. She asked me to take a season hiatus, but I just couldn’t miss a whole season. After that it was just… Every conversation turns into an argument. We’ve only stayed together this long for Mei, but she’s getting old enough now that she knows things are wrong.”

It felt strange to admit all that, especially to Kageyama. That he had failed as a husband and a father.

“You know,” Kageyama said after a while, “when I was a kid, I  _ wished _ my parents would get divorced.”

Shouyou planted his chin on his knee and sighed.

“Did you love her?” Kageyama asked.

Shouyou was insulted. What did Kageyama think? That he’d married Chiharu and had a daughter with her as a publicity stunt?

“Of course I did.”

Kageyama looked up at the ceiling. “More than you loved me?” he asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to write sad Hinata in his thirties, I'm sorry. The chapters are all gonna be short like this, but I'll be able to update every week.


	2. Key

“I’m married!” Tanaka bellowed, pumping his fist in the air. The men at the table cheered.

The groom was standing at the head of the table, addressing his old teammates, looking like the happiest man in the world. It was the first time the old highschool team had been together since Tobio graduated, and it felt surreal. But Hinata looked happy, so Tobio was too.

Hinata sat beside Tobio at the end of the table closest to Tanaka, grinning up at his senpai fondly. The two of them had always been close. Hinata adored Tanaka like a big brother, and Tanaka ate it up. It was kind of endearing.

“Who would have thought Tanaka would be the first guy from the team to get married?” Sugawara mused.

“Who would have thought it would be to Kiyoko?” Nishinoya added, and Tanaka glowered.

“Me!” he cried. “I did!”

“So how did you finally wear her down?”

“Just because it’s my wedding day doesn’t mean I won’t hit you, Suga.”

Even Tobio had to smile a little at that. He hadn’t expected, when his teammates reunited, that they’d fall back into their old dynamic so easily. It almost felt like nothing had changed. Sugawara still teasing his friends, Tanaka still taking the bait. It was comforting, even if Tsukishima was still an insufferable jerk.

Of course, at least one thing had changed since highschool. He glanced over at Hinata, who was glowing with excitement, and it made Tobio’s heart do little flips.

The music turned to a slow song and Tanaka bowed graciously.

“I think this is the part where I’m supposed to dance with my wife.”

The table cheered again and Tanaka strode across the room towards Kiyoko, who was being bombarded by questions from Tanaka’s family, looking out of her depth.

Hinata turned to Tobio and nudged him softly. “Come outside with me.”

Tobio waited a minute after Hinata walked away before he got up himself and muttered something about the restroom to Tsukishima, who did not care.

The air was warm outside, and there was still a little bit of sunlight left, shimmering against the small rock pond in the garden. Tobio could faintly hear the music from inside.

Hinata was waiting for him patiently on the cobblestone walkway. He smiled softly when their eyes met and held out his hand.

“What?” Tobio asked.

“Dance with me.”

Tobio blushed, glancing back at the reception hall. “We can’t.”

“We’re the only ones out here.”

“Yeah, for now. Anyone could walk out at any moment.”

Hinata pouted. Tobio felt a little guilty, but he knew he was right.

“It’s both our careers on the line if we get caught. You know that.”

“I know,” Hinata sighed. “I just never get to see you. I missed you.”

Tobio brushed his hand against Hinata’s softly. “I missed you too,” he replied.

It was hard, living in different cities, playing on different teams, both of them traveling frequently for work. It didn’t leave a lot of time to spend together. And they were usually too tired to move when they did see each other.

This was his first time seeing Hinata in three weeks, and at a wedding, no less. Hinata had probably gotten it in his head that this would be a romantic night for them. He was prone to those sort of fanciful ideas.

“You look nice in a suit,” he said, tapping his toe against the ground bashfully.

Hinata was far from bashful. Tobio recognized when he was trying to capitalize on his inherent cuteness. That wasn’t to say it didn’t work on him every time. He could feel his resolve starting to crumble. 

Tobio held out his hand. “Come with me,” he said.

“Where are we going?” Hinata asked, lacing their fingers together.

Tobio dragged him around the corner of the building. There was a small grove of cherry trees along the side of the reception hall, and Tobio pulled Hinata into their cover, pressing him against the brick wall. Hinata’s hands cupped the sides of his neck instinctively as Tobio dipped down for a kiss.

“I wanted to dance,” Hinata whispered against his lips.

“Shut up and kiss me, dumbass,” Tobio whispered back.

Hinata kissed like he played volleyball. With everything he had. He kissed like it was a competition and he was going for the gold. He devoured Tobio’s lips hungrily, standing on his toes like he couldn’t get close enough. He weaved his fingers into the hair at the nape of Tobio’s neck, sending waves of pleasure all the way down his spine. Tobio pulled back first, gasping for air.

“I’ve been waiting to get you alone all night,” Hinata said.

“Yeah?”

“Mmhm.”

His hands were still on Tobio’s neck. Tobio turned his head to place a kiss on his forearm.

“We should rejoin the party,” he said, pushing a stray lock of hair out of Hinata’s face. It was disheveled now, such a shame, on one of the rare occasions when he’d combed it back tidily.

He couldn’t hear the music anymore from where they were hiding, so it was hard to determine how long they’d been outside. He didn’t know how long they had before their absence became suspicious.

“I don’t have conditioning in the morning,” Hinata said. “My personal trainer is going on his honeymoon.”

“Mine isn’t,” Tobio replied regretfully.

Hinata nodded sadly. Tobio kissed his temple.

“I’m gonna go in,” he said against warm skin. “Wait five minutes before you follow me.”

His old teammates had dispersed when he got back to the reception hall. Some of them were dancing. Most of them were drinking. Tsukishima was still at the table with a half-eaten slice of cake in front of him, because it was beneath him to enjoy himself at a social gathering.

“Kageyama.”

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to find Tanaka with a young woman Tobio didn’t recognize. She looked a little like Kiyoko, with long black hair and a timid smile.

“You seen Hinata?” Tanaka asked. “I want to introduce him to someone.”

Tobio felt like he should be offended that he didn’t want to introduce her to  _ him _ , considering he was standing right there, but he let it slide.

“Haven’t seen him.”

“Never mind, there he is,” Tanaka said waving over Tobio’s shoulder.

He was a little annoyed, because it definitely hadn’t been five minutes since he’d come in. Hinata sidled up to him with a grin.

“I have someone I want you to meet,” Tanaka said, pushing the young woman forward. “This is Kiyoko’s cousin. Chiharu Shimizu.”

~

The car in front of him was driving well under the speed limit. Tobio’s fingers twitched in irritation, but he held himself back from laying on his horn. He was supposed to be controlling his road rage after his lawyer had worked so hard to make his last mistake go away. And besides, Hinata was on the phone, so it would have been rude.

“I don’t know how the story got out,” Hinata said, leaning his head against the passenger side window. “But I’m gonna take care of it. I’m meeting with the PR team later.”

Tobio drove in the general direction Hinata had told him, but he didn’t know exactly where the hotel was, and Hinata was too preoccupied to offer any instructions.

“It’s gonna be fine, I promise,” Hinata said, and then after a short pause, “Can I talk to Mei?” There was a longer pause. He bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah, it’s okay. Next time.”

He hung up and turned toward the window so Tobio couldn’t see his face. He knew that meant he was upset.

“Take a left at the next intersection,” he said flatly.

“Everything okay?” Tobio asked, turning on his blinker.

“Yeah. Mei just went down for her nap.” He pointed ahead. “It’s right up there.”

Tobio turned into the parking lot where Hinata had pointed. It was a small, run-down building, and Tobio frowned as he parked.

“This is where you’re staying?”

“It has a bed and a shower,” Hinata replied simply.

“It’s not a very nice place.”

Hinata shrugged. “I don’t need a lot of space. It would probably just make me feel lonelier anyways.”

Tobio shook his head, digging into his front pocket and pulling out a key. “Here,” he said, holding it out to Hinata.

“What’s that?”

“It’s the spare key to my house. Take it.”

Hinata looked from the key to Tobio. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know I don’t have to. But I’m being nice, so if you don’t take it you’ll look like an asshole.”

~

It was late, around the time he’d usually be going to bed, but instead Tobio found himself scrolling through his news feed, reading headline after headline. “Hinata Spotted Leaving District Courthouse,” one read. “Kicked to the Curb,” another one said. And yet another one, “Was an Affair to Blame?”

Tobio’s stomach turned. He wondered if Hinata’s number was still the same. He shook his head and tossed his phone to the other end of the couch. It was just a chance encounter with an old boyfriend. It wouldn’t do him any good to start getting ideas. He probably wouldn’t see Hinata again, not outside of work, at least.

Just as he was telling himself as much, though, he heard a key turning in the lock. He sat up straight, twisting around to look at his front door as Hinata stumbled in.

He trudged over to the couch and collapsed onto it next to Tobio wordlessly.

“I didn’t think you’d come.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Hinata said, dropping his head back. “But they showed up at my hotel.”

“Photographers?”

“Just one. That was enough to give me the creeps, though.”

It would probably be short-lived, Tobio thought. It wasn’t as if a pro-volleyball player’s divorce was the juiciest gossip. When a pro-soccer player was caught in an affair with another man a few months earlier,  _ that _ was big news. That was a career killer. That was why Tobio worked so hard to avoid attention.

“Have you eaten?” he asked.

Hinata’s stomach growled in response.

“I can just order in,” he replied.

Tobio was already standing up. “No one delivers this late, or this far out,” he said. He’d chosen this house for its remoteness. It was easier to maintain his privacy if he lived away from other people. “Besides, you need something healthy.”

Hinata scrubbed his hands over his face. “I must really look pathetic if you’re this eager to help me out.”

And what could Tobio say? That he understood? It wasn’t like he’d ever had his life fall apart for the whole world to see. He couldn’t sympathize with Hinata, even if he wanted to.

Instead he said, “Yeah, you’re really pitiful. It hurts to look at you.”

It did, but not for the reason he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't sure how I wanted to introduce the flashbacks, but ultimately I decided not to use any time markers like "ten years earlier" and instead let the reader figure out through context that they're flashbacks. I thought it fit with how I want to write the whole story, which starts out vague and slowly fills in the blanks. Anyways, sorry if the flashback was confusing. There won't be that many in the story.


	3. Candid

Shouyou lacked his usual energy when he finally made it to Tanaka’s studio for his morning workout. Today’s energy was I’m-living-with-my-ex-boyfriend energy. Today’s energy was my-divorce-is-being-discussed-on-sports-broadcasting-networks energy. Today’s energy was my-personal-trainer-is-related-to-my-ex-wife, are-we-still-friends energy. Tanaka looked cross when he saw him.

“I didn’t have an affair,” Shouyou said, exasperated.

That rumor was especially popular. Other people’s divorces were more interesting if somebody cheated, he supposed.

“Relax, I know that,” Tanaka replied, holding up his hands. “I’m just surprised you came. You’ve been skipping your workouts and not answering my calls.”

“I know,” he said flatly. “Sorry.”

“If you’re gonna prioritize your career, you have to take care of your body.”

“Yeah I get it,” Shouyou snapped. “I wouldn’t want to lose the only thing I have left.”

Tanaka’s face softened. “I didn’t mean it that way, kid.”

He held open his arms and Shouyou fell into them, exhausted. He hadn’t even begun his workout and already he was feeling drained.

It should have been weird to hug his personal trainer, and if his personal trainer was anyone but Tanaka it would have been. But Tanaka had been family ever since he adopted Shouyou his first year of high school.

“Hey, do you know that guy?” Tanaka asked, releasing him.

Shouyou turned around. There was a pale man peering in through the glass door. Shouyou sighed.

“No. People have been watching me ever since the stupid story broke.”

“Man, seriously? You’ve been putting up with that?”

“What am I supposed to do?”

Tanaka marched over to the door and banged on the glass with the flat of his hand. “This is a private session!” he barked.

The stranger scurried away, tail between his legs.

“Sorry,” Shouyou said.

“Don’t apologize. Like it’s your fault people are creepy?”

“They’re just trying to catch me in a scandal.”

“Dude, you’re like the least scandalous person I know.”

Shouyou had barely realized he’d had a reputation until it was tarnished. People who had been rooting for him as he climbed to the top were now on the edges of their seats, waiting to watch him fall.

“Okay, enough chit-chat,” Tanaka said, clapping him on the back. “Time to stretch.”

Shouyou dropped down onto the mat obediently. He straightened one leg and reached across it to grab his shoe. Tanaka crouched down next to him.

“So the girls came over last night,” he said, trying and failing to sound casual.

Shouyou’s face was in his knee. He swallowed.

“How are they doing?”

“Chiharu’s holding up okay. Kiyoko’s been helping her out a lot lately. And Mei has her fun uncle Ryuu to distract her.”

Shouyou crossed over to his other leg. “I probably wasn’t home enough before for her to notice a difference.”

“That’s not true,” Tanaka said, and Shouyou’s stomach tightened. “She misses you. I can tell.”

~

Kageyama was already home when Shouyou got back from his evening practice. More specifically, he was stepping out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam, a towel wrapped around his waist, droplets of water rolling down his torso. It was cruel, how good the years had been to him.

“You’re here,” Kageyama said, and Shouyou snapped his mouth shut. “There’s still hot water if you need a shower.”

“Thanks,” Shouyou replied, his face burning. He lowered his head and scrambled into the guest bedroom for a change of clothes.

The shower was just what he needed. Practice had been brutal that evening. Or, more accurately, Shouyou had been brutal during practice, slamming the ball with so much force that his coach told him to sit out before he broke someone’s nose. He didn’t realize how sore his muscles were until he felt the hot water begin to soothe them.

He closed his eyes and tried to think of something besides work. Dogs. Meat buns. Kageyama in the shower.

No, not that. He shook his head. Why had he thought of that? He turned off the water.

He was in a fresh pair of boxers, toweling off his hair, when Kageyama knocked on the bathroom door. He paused.

“What’s up?”

“Your wife is on TV.”

“Ex-wife,” Shouyou replied before he could process what Kageyama just told him. He blinked. “Wait, what?”

He threw open the door. Kageyama looked momentarily startled by his appearance, but he composed himself quickly.

“Uh. Chiharu was just on TV. Someone took candid pictures of her having lunch with some guy.”

“Fuuuuuck.” Shouyou dug the heel of his hand into his eye socket.

Chiharu hated attention. It had been her biggest hangup before they’d started dating.

“I’m sure it’ll blow over,” Kageyama offered pathetically. “It’s today’s news, right? They’ll be onto the next thing in a week.”

Shouyou nodded. He heard his phone ring in the guest room.

“It’s her,” he said, certain.

Kageyama followed him to the guest room. Shouyou pulled his phone off the charger. Chiharu’s name lit up the screen. He answered.

“Hi.”

“Shouyou, they’re following me,” Chiharu’s frantic voice rang. “They’re taking my picture.”

“I know. They’re just looking for a scandal,” he tried to reassure her. “They’ll leave us alone once they figure out there isn’t one.”

“And in the meantime? I can’t have lunch with my brother? Can I even leave the house? What about Mei?”

“I know, I know.” Shouyou rubbed his temple. “I’m gonna take care of it.”

“How?”

“I’ll figure it out.”

From the quivering in her breaths, Shouyou could tell that Chiharu was crying. His chest clenched. Even now, it still hurt to hear her cry.

“Do you need me to come home?”

“No,” she answered, a tremor in her voice. “No, I’ll be fine. I’m just a little shaken up.”

“Okay,” Shouyou said hesitantly. “You’ll call me if you need me though, right?”

“Yes.”

Shouyou licked his lips.

“Is Mei there?”

“No, she’s at my mom’s.”

“Oh,” Shouyou said, crestfallen.

“Thank you, Shouyou,” she said, her voice a little calmer now.

“Of course.”

“Goodnight, Shouyou.”

“Goodnight, Chiharu.”

He hung up with a heavy sigh. Kageyama nudged his knee and he jumped. Shouyou had forgotten he was there.

“You good?” Kageyama asked.

Shouyou swallowed the lump in his throat. “I’m good.”

“You hungry?”

He rolled his eyes. “If you keep feeding me every time I’m upset, Tanaka is gonna make me do extra conditioning.”

“It’s called dinner. You’re supposed to eat it every day,” Kageyama retorted. “Besides, I haven’t eaten either. C’mon.”

Shouyou nodded, tossing his phone onto his pillow.

“And put some clothes on,” Kageyama said, walking out the door.

~

Shouyou opened his apartment door to find the light already on. He frowned. Had he left it on? He’d been out of town for two days for an away game, a long time for his light to be on.

He stepped inside and dropped his duffel bag onto the floor. A dark-haired figure sat facing away from him on the sofa. Shouyou smiled.

“Hey you,” he said, walking up behind the sofa and draping himself over Kageyama’s shoulders. “This is a nice surprise.”

Kageyama didn’t respond.

“You okay?” Shouyou asked, hopping over the back of the couch to sit beside him.

“I’m fine,” Kageyama said softly.

“Then why aren’t you kissing me? I haven’t seen you in weeks.”

Kageyama gestured toward the coffee table. There was a tabloid opened to a picture of Shouyou in the park, having an ice cream cone with Chiharu.

Shouyou whistled softly. “She’s gonna be mad,” he said. “Chiharu hates having her picture taken.”

Kageyama huffed.

“What?” Shouyou said, rolling his eyes. “Are you mad about this? We’re eating ice cream in the park. I couldn’t think of a more innocent scenario.”

Kageyama didn’t respond. He turned his face away from Shouyou’s.

“Tobio, we’re just  _ friends _ .”

“I know that,” Kageyama snapped.

Shouyou took a deep breath. He was tired and sore, and he didn’t know how he’d fucked up this time.

“I don’t want to fight,” he said, resting his head on Kageyama’s shoulder. “Can you just tell me what I did wrong?”

Kageyama sighed. “You didn’t do anything.”

“Then where’s my kiss?” Shouyou whined.

Kageyama grabbed him by the chin and planted a soft peck on his lips.

“Is that all I get?” he asked. “I’ve been working very hard, Tobio.”

Kageyama rolled his eyes and kissed him again. Shouyou deepened the kiss, slipping in a little tongue for good measure. Kageyama pulled away, flustered.

“Now,” Shouyou said, pressing his forehead to Kageyama’s. “Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

Kageyama glanced back at the tabloid. “You look like you’re having fun.”

“I do have fun with Chiharu,” Shouyou replied. “That’s why we’re friends.”

“Everyone thinks you’re more than that, though.”

And there it was. Kageyama was jealous of a baseless rumor.

“That just means no one suspects you and I are together,” Shouyou pointed out. “Isn’t that what we want?”

“No!” Kageyama cried, pulling away. “I want to be with you. I want to be allowed to go out with you in public. Without worrying about getting caught and ending my career. It’s not fair that she can have that and I can’t!”

“Oh,” Shouyou said softly.

“Wouldn’t it be easier?” Kageyama asked, leaning back against the sofa. “To just be with her?”

“Probably,” Shouyou agreed. “But if I wanted things to be easy, I wouldn’t be with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeey shortest chapter yet, sorry! I probably should have slept before editing this, but when have I ever made good decisions?


	4. Distance

_If I wanted things to be easy, I wouldn’t be with you_.

The words were still running through Tobio’s head as Hinata snored lightly in his lap. It was just like Hinata to be so short-sighted. He existed only in the present place and time. There was no bigger picture to him. Tobio wasn’t sure Hinata really understood what it meant to be with him. It wasn’t just difficult for now. They could never have a simple life together. Not if they wanted to preserve their careers.

Tobio wondered, if it came down to it, if he would choose Hinata over volleyball. He didn’t know if he could handle one without the other. The two had become so intertwined in his mind over the years, he wasn’t even sure if he could separate the two.

He brushed a lock of red hair out of Hinata’s eyes. Hinata stirred, but didn’t wake. He wasn’t a peaceful sleeper, but he was a heavy sleeper. Tobio drummed his fingers against his forehead. Hinata swatted them away like flies. His eyelashes fluttered, but his eyes didn’t open.

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak Portuguese,” he mumbled.

“You speak a little bit of Portuguese,” Tobio corrected him. “Don’t sell yourself short.”

“Oh, okay.”

Tobio chuckled as Hinata shifted onto his side, burying his face in Tobio’s belly.

“Tobio,” he mumbled against his shirt.

“Yes, Shouyou?”

“Dance with me.”

Tobio smiled softly. “Sure.”

He envied Hinata in a way. If he could live in the present the way Hinata did, maybe he’d be able to fully appreciate intimate moments like these, instead of constantly worrying about the future.

His phone buzzed, and Tobio had to worm his hand under Hinata’s shoulder to pull it out of his pocket. He read the new message. Coach wanted to meet with him first thing in the morning. He sighed.

“Shouyou,” he said, shaking the other man awake.

“Agh. What?” Hinata said crankily, rubbing his eyes.

“I have to go home.”

Hinata groaned and wrapped his arms around Tobio’s waist. “Do you have to?”

It was a long drive home. Tobio wouldn’t get any sleep if he didn’t leave now.

“Sorry.”

“Long distance is hard,” Hinata whined.

“I know,” Tobio agreed.

 _If I wanted things to be easy, I wouldn’t be with you_.

He wondered how much longer they could keep it up.

~

“ _Chiharu and I ended our marriage on good terms. There was no infidelity on either side. This is a difficult time for our family, and we ask that you respect our privacy, for the sake of my ex-wife and daughter, who never asked to be public figures_.”

“Will you turn that crap off?” Hinata grumbled, sinking onto the couch beside Tobio.

“Was this speech scripted?” Tobio asked. “It doesn’t sound like you.”

It didn’t look like him either. The Hinata on his television screen was polished and respectable. He wore an expensive tie, and his hair was combed flat. The Hinata on his couch wore sagging boxers and had two-day stubble coming in on his chin.

The Hinata on his couch shrugged. “I can’t be trusted to speak for myself.” He snatched the remote off of Tobio’s lap and switched off the tv.

“Didn’t you want to just tell the reporters off?”

Hinata tilted his head back and pressed his hands against his forehead. “That would only fan the flame,” he replied. “I just want this to blow over.”

“That’s true,” Tobio conceded.

“How do you do it?” Hinata asked.

“Do what?”

“Keep your name out of the press.”

Tobio laid his head against the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “The trick is to live far away from society and to be incredibly boring in public.”

“And what if I couldn’t manage that? Say, for instance, I have a road rage problem?”

“You should also have a very good lawyer.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Tobio rolled his head to the side to study Hinata. He had a little more muscle now, and a few more lines under his eyes, but he still looked like the same Hinata from ten years ago. How could it be that he’d changed so much?

“You didn’t used to worry about things like that.”

Hinata snorted. “I was a kid.”

“I guess so.”

“I have to care about my public image now,” Hinata said. “Especially now that my career is all I have left.”

“Yeah, I get that.”

Hinata laughed sardonically. “No you don’t.”

Tobio faltered. “What?”

Hinata had been moody lately, but it seemed like their conversation had been cordial up until then. Suddenly it sounded like he was mad at Tobio.

“Which part do you get, exactly? You’ve never dealt with public scrutiny because you’re cut off from the world, and you don’t have anyone to lose because you don’t let anyone get close to you. So which part of my very public divorce can you relate to?”

Tobio’s face grew hot. His chest felt heavy, a mixture of hurt and embarrassment. He’d been stupid. He’d thought he could talk to this Hinata the way he could with _his_ Hinata. The Hinata from ten years ago. But this wasn’t the person Tobio knew. He was just an acquaintance staying in his guest bedroom. Was Tobio so hung up on him that he could forget that, even for a minute?

He stood up. “I’m going to bed.”

Hinata sighed. “Kageyama, wait.”

“I’m tired,” Tobio said, trudging toward his room. It wasn’t a lie. He was done in. He felt like he’d aged another ten years since Hinata came back into his life.

He paused in the doorway and turned back to face Hinata. “I just meant, I know what it’s like to lose someone you love for your career,” he said. “But you’re right. It’s probably not the same.”

~

Tobio was grilling salmon when Hinata shuffled into the kitchen sleepily. His hair was flat on one side, and his bangs stood straight up. The sight of it was too familiar. Tobio tried not to remember what it was like waking up next to him.

“You have bedhead,” he informed him.

Hinata carded a hand through his hair. “Morning,” he said sheepishly.

“Breakfast will be ready in a minute.”

“Hey,” Hinata looked embarrassed. “You know I’m self-centered, right? I convince myself that I’m the only person who’s ever felt the way I feel, and I’m all alone in the world.”

“It’s fine,” Tobio said shortly.

Hinata hung his head. “No it’s not. You’ve been really good to me. Looking out for me despite...our history. You didn’t have to do any of this for me.”

 _History_ , Tobio thought sadly.

“It’s in the past, right?” he said.

Hinata swallowed. “Why aren’t you more angry?”

Tobio looked away.

“I thought you’d get mad the way you used to,” Hinata said. “I guess we’ve both changed.”

Tobio _was_ angry, but not because Hinata had snapped at him. He was angry at himself for still wanting Hinata. He was angry at Hinata for moving on when he hadn’t. It was unjust.

Chiharu had been his biggest insecurity when they’d dated, and she ended up being the first person Hinata dated after they broke up. And then he married her. Tobio was just a detour on Hinata’s way to finding what he really wanted. How could he not be angry? But what was the point of bringing all that up now? It had been ten years. He should have been over it.

His heart pounded.

Why wasn’t he over it?

Maybe he hadn’t changed that much after all. He still felt like a kid. He still agonized over every decision. Still couldn’t make a move without thinking of every possible outcome. Still beat himself up over his past mistakes.

It had been his fault, really, that they’d broken up. Tobio had chosen a career over a relationship. He couldn’t blame Hinata for leaving. That was what made him angriest; he didn’t even have the right to be mad at Hinata. Tobio had always wondered if he could have done more to make him stay.

“You haven’t lost them,” he said, shifting the grilled salmon onto a plate.

“Huh?”

“Chiharu and Mei,” Tobio said. “You don’t live with them anymore, but they’re still your family. You just have to make a bigger effort. You’ve only lost when you stop trying.”

Hinata gave him a tight smile. “Thanks for saying that.”

“What you said last night was true. I don’t understand what you’re going through. But I’m trying to.”

Hinata stared off wistfully. “Remember when we were dating and we never had time to see each other?”

Tobio nodded.

“It’s like that,” Hinata said. “I’m in a long distance relationship with my daughter.”

He suddenly looked like he might cry, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world for Tobio to reach for his hand and give it a tiny squeeze.

“When’s your next day off? You should spend a day with her. You could bring her here.”

Hinata’s eyes glistened. “That’s okay?”

“Of course. She’s your daughter. I’m not heartless.”

“Yeah,” Hinata said. “I know you’re not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so hard to write, someone please give Kageyama a hug. And me. I need a hug.


	5. Transient

“Shouyou? Is something wrong?”

Chiharu’s voice sounded nervous, like she was expecting more bad news. He could hardly blame her. He hadn’t exactly been making life easy for her lately. Since even before the divorce, he’d brought her nothing but stress.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” he assured her.

“What is it?”

Shouyou hugged his knees to his chest. “I have Sunday off,” he said. “I wanted to spend the day with Mei. Is that okay?”

“At that hotel?”

“No, I’m not staying there anymore.” He glanced over at Kageyama, who was sitting on the edge of the guest bed watching him. “I’m at a friend’s house.”

“ _ You didn’t tell her _ ?” Kageyama mouthed.

Shouyou shook his head.

“Someone from the team?” Chiharu asked.

“Well, not  _ my team _ ,” he replied. “It’s Kageyama.”

There was a long pause. With Chiharu, that usually meant she was preparing to tell him something he didn’t want to hear.

“Shouyou, it’s none of my business who you date,” she said finally. “But Mei hasn’t accepted the divorce yet. I think it’s too soon to start introducing her to new partners.”

“It’s not like that,” Shouyou replied a little too quickly, his face heating up. Kageyama raised an eyebrow. “He’s just letting me crash in his guest room.”

There was another pause, and Shouyou tapped his foot nervously.

“Mei will be really excited to see you,” she said at last.

He grinned. “Thanks, Chiharu.”

His entire body slumped like he’d been released from a harness. Talking to Chiharu had gotten easier since he’d moved out. They rarely fought at all anymore. But being away from his daughter was eating away at him. It was like a piece of his heart was missing.

“Oh, Shouyou, one more thing.”

“What is it?” he asked.

“Hello?” a child’s voice chirped, and it was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard.

“Hi, Mei-chan.” His voice quavered.

“Daddy!” she said excitedly. “I can do a somersault!”

“Really? Who taught you that?”

“Uncle Ryuu showed me!”

Shouyou couldn’t help but laugh at the mental image of Tanaka demonstrating a somersault for a four-year-old. “That was nice of him.”

“Do you see Uncle Ryuu every day?” Mei asked.

“Almost.”

“I wish I could see you every day.”

He smiled sadly. “Me too, Mei-chan.”

“I’m gonna go color,” she said abruptly.

Shouyou frowned. “Oh. Okay. I love you, Mei-chan.”

“I love you too, Daddy.”

Chiharu’s voice came back on the line. “Sorry,” she said. “She has your attention span.”

“It’s okay,” he replied. “I’m just happy to hear her voice.”

“We’ll see you on Sunday, okay?”

“Yeah.”

He hung up feeling lighter than he had in weeks. It was about time things started looking up for him. He turned to Kageyama.

“What are you doing on Sunday?”

“Does Chiharu know we used to date?” Kageyama asked, ignoring Shouyou’s question.

“Oh. Um,” Shouyou rubbed the back of his neck. “Not because I told her. I came out to her before we got engaged and she sort of came to the conclusion on her own.”

Shouyou had told Chiharu that he was bi after they’d dated for a year. It was nerve-wracking, coming out, but it was something he needed her to accept before he could move forward in the relationship. In the end, having someone who knew that about him was comforting. He felt closer to her after he’d told her. That was a bond that never broke, even after they fell out of love. It was intimacy that went beyond physical touch, something Shouyou had only shared with one other person before Chiharu. Maybe that was the reason it had taken them so long to end it for good.

He wondered if Kageyama had ever felt that way with anyone else.

“Do you have anyone who knows about you?” he asked.

“No,” Kageyama said shortly.

“Isn’t that lonely?”

Kageyama lay back on the bed, cradling his head in his hands. “I don’t know. I guess.”

“You’ve had other boyfriends though, right?”

Kageyama scoffed. “Boyfriend is a strong word.”

Shouyou cocked his head. “What, so like, casual sex?”

That was unexpected. He didn’t think Kageyama was spontaneous enough to have a fling. But Shouyou reminded himself that it had been ten years, and he didn’t know everything about Kageyama anymore.

“More like, mutually beneficial arrangements.”

Now,  _ that _ was the kind of dispassion he expected. “So clinical,” he complained. “Can’t you just call them affairs?”

Kageyama shrugged. “I guess that wouldn’t be completely inaccurate.”

Shouyou gasped. “Who are you?”

“I only date guys who have more to lose than I do.”

“Like who? Politicians?”

Kageyama zipped his lips. Shouyou’s eyes widened.

“Oh my god! Which one?”

Kageyama sat up swiftly. “I didn’t say yes!”

“But I’m right!” Shouyou said gleefully, giving him a shove.

“Why you!”

Kageyama grabbed Shouyou by the wrists and wrestled him onto his back. Shouyou laughed as Kageyama pinned his arms above his head.

“If you don’t answer, it means yes. You’re so obvious, Kageyama.”

“You are in no position to tease me right now.”

Shouyou suddenly became aware of just what position he was in. Kageyama was heavy on top of him, and their faces close enough together that he could feel his breath. Kageyama’s eyes widened, like he’d just realized it himself. Shouyou’s heart hammered in his chest.

“So why nothing serious?” he asked weakly.

Kageyama released his hands and sat up. “It’s not easy to be with me,” he said. “You know that better than anyone.”

“No, it wasn’t easy,” Shouyou agreed. “But when it was good, it was...really good.”

Kageyama turned away, and Shouyou felt like he’d said too much.

~

He was driving home from practice when a story broke about a pro baseball player testing positive for an illegal substance, and just like that, Shouyou’s divorce was yesterday’s news. Still, he’d gotten enough publicity that he had become a recognizable face, even to people who weren’t interested in volleyball. He couldn’t help but wonder if his newfound fame could draw attention to Kageyama.

It wasn’t like anyone would go as far as to follow him to Kageyama’s house in the middle of nowhere. Especially now that he was worth nothing to the media. But still, Shouyou was not as good at keeping secrets as Kageyama. He could slip up, and if he did, it could be worse for Kageyama than for that baseball player.

“Don’t you worry about rumors?” he asked, picking at his tuna.

“You used to eat more,” Kageyama replied, eyeing Shouyou’s plate.

“I’m in my thirties. My metabolism slowed down.”

Kageyama grunted. “Well, you should at least finish your dinner.”

“Did you hear my question?”

“Hm?” Kageyama took a bite of his rice. “No one really pays attention to me, so no.”

“That’s because you’re uncharismatic,” Shouyou said. “They might start to pay attention now that I’m around, because people actually like me.”

“Why do you start conversations like this? Are you trying to die?”

“No, I’m serious!” Shouyou cried. “Isn’t your whole publicity situation a little different when there’s another man living in your house?”

Kageyama scoffed. “Bold of you to assume you’re the only other man who’s lived in this house.”

“What?” Shouyou put a hand on his chest. “This is a new development. Tell me more. Was it the politician?”

“Please, like a congressman would shack up with a volleyball player.”

“So you admit there was a congressman.”

“You’re an asshole.”

Shouyou smiled. He looked down at his plate. “Hey.”

“Hm.”

“Thank you.”

“What?”

Shouyou licked his lips. “I don’t think I ever thanked you properly. You’re risking a lot by having me here.”

“I told you, nobody pays attention to me.”

“Still.”

Kageyama cleared his throat. “Well, I like having you here.”

Shouyou’s skin tingled.

~

“Are you still getting hounded?” Tanaka asked, placing a dumbbell back on the rack.

“It’s actually gotten a lot better,” Shouyou replied, handing him the other dumbbell. “Why?”

“You just seem tired lately.”

“Oh, that.” Shouyou took a swig from his water bottle. “I’ve been waking up earlier because my drive is longer.

“Where are you staying?”

“Oh, um. Kageyama has a guest room.”

Tanaka raised an eyebrow. “Kageyama lives in Osaka? Since when?”

“Like, two years?”

“And you two still talk?”

“Well, not until recently.”

“Hm,” Tanaka said. He looked Shouyou up and down. “Are you still eating alright in that bachelor pad? We can’t have your diet going to shit.”

“I’m eating really well lately, actually.”

Tanaka folded his hands together. “Aw, is Kageyama feeding you?”

“Shut up!” Shouyou cried indignantly.

Tanaka cackled. “Kageyama’s your new wife!”

“That’s an antiquated perspective on gender roles, Ryuu. I’m gonna tell Kiyoko you said that.”

“So let me get this straight. One day you’re living out of a duffel bag in a cheap hotel, and the next you’re being housed and fed by Kageyama? Does he do your laundry too?”

Shouyou blushed. “Well, it saves water if we do it all at once…”

Tanaka howled.

“Shut up!” Shouyou said, smacking him on the shoulder.

“Seriously though,” Tanaka said, catching his breath. “Isn’t it awkward? You two used to be really close, and then suddenly you weren’t.”

He wasn’t the first person to point it out. That was how Chiharu had figured out he’d dated Kageyama before her. When you stop talking to your best friend with no explanation, people notice.

“Yeah,” he answered honestly. “It’s a little scary, actually.”

“Scary?”

“Oh, I just mean, it’s like I know him really well but not at all, you know?”

“Well, I don’t know what happened between you two back then.” Tanaka puffed up his chest. “But he’d better treat you right this time around. Or there’ll be hell to pay. You tell him that.”

Shouyou laughed. He shoved his open hand into Tanaka’s face and gave him a gentle push. “You’re so stupid.”

“I’m always so nice to you and you’re always so mean to me.”

“Well if you weren’t so stupid…”

Tanaka chuckled. Then he sighed and his face turned serious.

“So are you looking for your own place?”

Shouyou swallowed. “I haven’t really been thinking about that.”

“Well shouldn’t you? Isn’t this a temporary living arrangement?”

“Of course,” Shouyou said, his heart sinking. “I’ll move out soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaaahhh I had so much trouble with the pacing in this chapter. There was so much dialogue.  
> For some reason my Kageyama chapters are coming out way more depressing than my Hinata chapters. What's up with that?


	6. Craving

“I’m back,” Hinata announced, placing a bag of groceries on the counter. He swept his hair back off his forehead. “The bag girl asked for my autograph.”

“Why? Doesn’t she have taste?” Tobio replied as he began unbagging the groceries.

“Such wit.”

“So what did you sign?”

“Her sneaker.”

“Don’t let it go to your head. You’re not a rockstar.” Tobio grabbed a bundle of scallions out of the grocery bag and spotted a slip of paper underneath, sitting on top of a carton of eggs. He picked it up. “Hinata, I think you got a phone number.”

Hinata laughed. “See? I’m a real celebrity now. She must’ve gotten the memo that I’m newly single.”

Tobio wasn’t too surprised. People had always been drawn to Hinata. It was something that annoyed Tobio when they were in highschool and annoyed him for a different reason when they were dating. There was no reason it should annoy him now.

“Kageyama?”

He hadn’t even realized he’d been staring.

“Oh, um.”

Hinata snatched the slip of paper out of Tobio’s hand and crumpled it up. “Relax. It was a teenage fangirl. What’s with you?”

“Nothing.”

“Hasn’t this happened to you?”

Tobio crossed his arms. He was the best at what he did, but there was less glory in being a setter than a wing spiker. “Yeah. All the time,” he lied.

A smile spread across Hinata’s face. “Liar. You scare people.”

Tobio scoffed. “Whatever. Like I want phone numbers from teenage girls.”

“Don’t be mad just because we found something I’m better at than you.”

“You’re a dumbass if you’re just figuring that out now.”

Hinata laughed. “So you’ve always known that I’m more attractive than you?”

Tobio smacked him upside the head. “Are not. You’re ugly. It’s a mystery why women like you.”

Hinata clutched his chest like he’d been stabbed.

“Shut up and help me put these away,” Tobio said.

Hinata chuckled. “Well, regardless of how part-timers at the grocery store might feel, I happen to think you’re very pretty, Kageyama,” he said. “If you didn’t look like a serial killer when you smile, I bet you’d get lots of phone numbers.”

“I don’t want them,” Tobio grumbled.

Hinata laughed again, a cheerful, infectious laugh. A laugh that made Tobio’s heart swell, and he remembered why he’d been such a jealous boyfriend back when they were together. Because who wouldn’t want to be with Hinata? How could anyone hear that laugh and not fall in love?

~

It would be easier if he could just hate Hinata. If there was any justice in the universe he would. Instead, he’d thought about him every day for ten years while Hinata went and fell in love with someone else.

Tobio had managed to stay out of the news all that time, so Hinata probably had no reason to think about him at all. The universe was supremely unfair in that regard.

Five years ago, Tobio had learned that his ex-boyfriend had gotten married from a magazine cover at a supermarket news stand. A year later, he’d learned they’d had a daughter from a sports radio show in his car on his way to the gym. He’d learned that they were getting divorced when, by sheer happenstance, they were late for court appointments on the same day, in the same place, at the same time.

If Tobio believed in things like fate, he’d swear that that was what brought them together again. It was too much of a coincidence, running into him the way he did. But while he was glad for their chance meeting, one blast from the past was more than enough for him.

“Is it me, or is the world getting smaller these days?” he said.

Tanaka was leaning against a white minivan, arms crossed and foot tapping. He had disappeared from Tobio’s life shortly after Hinata, so it seemed fitting that he’d return around the same time as well. He looked the same, only older. Tanaka grinned.

“Not that small. I actually tracked you down.” He patted the side of the van. “Step into my office.”

“You drive a minivan?”

“I’m a family man, Kageyama. Get in.”

Tobio rounded the minivan obediently and climbed into the passenger seat. Tanaka sat in the driver’s seat, buckling his seatbelt. Out of habit, probably, since they weren’t going anywhere, and Tobio would’ve made fun of him for it if he weren’t so inexplicably nervous.

“Listen,” Tanaka began. “You know Shouyou is like a son to me.”

“You’re a year older than us.”

He waved his hand dismissively. “Whatever. The point is, I care a lot about him, okay? He’s family.”

Tobio rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know.”

“So I just want to make sure you’re being careful.”

Tobio stared at him. “He told you we’re living together.”

He should’ve figured. Hinata probably told Tanaka everything.

“Is that all you’re doing?” Tanaka asked.

Tobio turned to face forward and stared out the windshield. “What else would we be doing?”

“Please, you two weren’t as sneaky as you thought you were in your twenties.”

He swallowed. “You knew?”

“Yeah, man, you gave me that  _ look _ when I introduced him to Chiharu,” Tanaka replied. “It’s bad form to try to murder a guy with your eyes on his wedding day, speaking of which.”

Tobio rolled his head to the side to look at Tanaka. He looked quite pleased with himself.

“Kiyoko figured it out, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, Kiyoko figured it out.”

Tobio shook his head. “You don’t have to worry. He’s just sleeping on my guest bed temporarily. There’s nothing going on.”

“Really? It seemed like more than that when I talked to him.”

Tobio sat up a little straighter. “It did? What did he say?”

Tanaka narrowed his eyes. “Let me remind you that Hinata is my client and his body is a temple. I don’t need him getting...hurt.”

“Hurt?”

“Yes. That boy jumps four feet off the ground on a regular basis. His glutes and quads are his money makers. I can’t have him coming in all…”

“Tanaka,” Tobio cut him off. “Are you alluding to anal sex?”

Tanaka gaped. “Well I was trying to keep it family-friendly, geez.”

“There’s no family-friendly way to talk about anal sex.”

“Well you don’t have to be so blunt about it.”

Tobio ignored him. Tanaka was the crudest person he knew, so he probably wasn’t all that scandalized. If anyone should be getting upset, it was Tobio.

“You shouldn’t make assumptions about what other people do in bed.”

Tanaka sighed. “Look, I don’t care how you do it…”

Tobio threw up his arms. “We’re  _ not _ doing it.”

“I’m just saying, be good to my baby brother, got it?”

“A minute ago you were his dad.”

“What is with the sass? Every conversation with you must be a chore.”

Tobio folded his arms across his chest. “Are we done here? I wanted to beat Hinata home.”

“Why, so you could have dinner ready for him?”

_ Yes. _

“No,” Tobio said, blushing.

Tanaka belted out a laugh. “I knew it. You’re doting on him. You don’t want him to move out, do you?”

_ No _ .

“He  _ just _ got divorced.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Tobio didn’t respond. He turned his head away.

“He doesn’t want to move out either.”

Tobio’s heart clenched. “He said that?”

“He didn’t say it,” Tanaka replied. “I just know him.”

~

Dinner was on the table when Tobio got home. Hinata was sitting patiently, hands folded across his lap, his own plate untouched. Tobio nearly dropped the case of beer under his arm.

“You cooked?” he said, astonished.

“Don’t act so surprised. I am an adult.”

“I know,” Tobio said awkwardly. “Thanks.”

“Just figured I’d start pulling my weight,” Hinata said with a shrug. “What took you so long? You usually beat me home.”

He cursed his heart for skipping a beat at the word  _ home _ .

“Oh, um.” He placed the case of beer on the table. “I picked up beer.”

“I don’t drink.”

Tobio shrugged. “I’ll drink it.”

“I can’t let you drink alone.”

Tobio handed him a can. Hinata cracked it open.

“When did you start drinking anyway?”

“When did we break up?”

Hinata took a sip from his can and made a face like it was taking all his strength to swallow. “Are you trying to say I drove you to drinking?” he asked.

Tobio rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry. I don’t drink that often. We have the same job, you know. I have to stay fit too.”

Hinata’s eyes flicked down to his chest. “I know.”

Tobio coughed. He tucked his chin into his neck, his face growing hot.

“Let’s eat.” He nodded toward the living room. “Out there.”

They ate on the floor, side by side, their backs against the sofa. It was more intimate than sitting across from each other at a table, and Tobio was reminded of the old days, when he used to bring takeout to Hinata’s apartment, and they’d watch a game together while they ate and then have sex on the couch. His mouth grew dry at the thought. His face felt like it was on fire.

Hinata was looking a little red himself, though it was probably from the beer. Halfway into his meal and three quarters into his second beer, he’d begun acting strangely whimsical. Not drunk, per se, but definitely giddy. That night at the bar, Tobio thought that Hinata had gotten drunk so quickly because he hadn’t eaten, but watching him now, maybe Hinata really was a lightweight.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you,” he said around a mouthful of rice. “Your face is too old for you to wear your hair that long. It looks like you’re trying too hard to be cool.”

Tobio huffed. “Your hair’s longer than mine.”

“Yeah, but I have a young-looking face.”

“Shut up, I don’t look old.”

“No need to get so worked up, Kageyama. There are procedures you can have done. You can afford it, right?”

Tobio scowled. “Finish your dinner, dumbass.”

Hinata chortled, and Tobio hated how his heart fluttered at the sound.

Hinata reached for his third beer.

“Don’t,” Tobio said, snatching it away.

“Hey!”

“I don’t want to have to take care of you while you’re drunk again.”

Hinata pouted. “I’m not even tipsy.”

“Oh, so you’re just naturally stupid?”

Hinata laughed. “Damn straight. That’s all me, baby.”

He made a grab for the beer, but Tobio held it above his head, and Hinata’s hand landed on his chest instead. He stared at it.

Tobio waited for him to pull it back, but he didn’t move.

“What are you doing?”

Hinata looked up at Tobio, eyes wide. “When did your pecs get so hard?”

Tobio choked. “Cut it out,” he said, prying Hinata’s hand off his chest.

He didn’t let go of his hand. Hinata licked his lips uneasily, and Tobio stared at his mouth, engrossed. His lips looked soft and inviting.

“Why do you look like you’re about to kiss me?” Hinata asked with a nervous laugh.

Tobio’s skin buzzed.

“Can I?” he whispered.

Hinata swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing.

“Go ahead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as of now, the first draft of this story is complete. Only the first draft, so the story is by no means finished. I like to give myself some time to clear my head before going back and editing, but updates should be consistent. I've been trying to update roughly every five days.
> 
> Anyways, slightly less angsty Kageyama in this chapter, but way more angst coming up, so strap in.
> 
> I had way too much fun writing Tanaka.


	7. Sprout

“Ready?” Shouyou asked, bouncing the rubber ball against the pavement.

“Ready!” Mei confirmed, hopping up and down excitedly.

“Here we go!”

He tossed the ball toward her lightly, and she leapt into the air like she was on springs, smacking it to the ground with as much force as her tiny hand could muster. It bounced over Shouyou’s head and onto the lawn behind him, and Mei chased after it eagerly. He laughed.

“You definitely take after your dad, don’t you?”

Mei beamed up at him, her chubby cheeks tinged with pink. She looked most like him when she smiled. Her hooded eyes and jet back hair were inherited from Chiharu, but the smile was unquestionably Shouyou’s.

He wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his wrist. It was humid, but it was still as perfect a day as he could have hoped for. Maybe it was because he was in a good mood.

He’d never realized before how beautiful this place was. The house overlooked a lush green valley, and beyond that, a mountain range covered in thick forest. He wondered if Kageyama appreciated the beauty, or if he’d only chosen this location because there was no one else around.

Shouyou hadn’t seen Kageyama since the night before, when they’d kissed. His stomach lurched thinking about it. They hadn’t talked about it afterwards. It had only been one kiss, and a chaste one at that, but still, they hadn’t had enough to drink to blame it on the alcohol. Shouyou wasn’t even sure if they were friends before that, so what did that make them now?

And had he lied to Chiharu when he’d assured her nothing was going on between them?

“Daddy.” Mei’s voice snapped him back to attention. She was at his side now, tugging on his shirt, the rubber ball tucked under one arm. “One more,” she said.

Shouyou glanced down the driveway and saw a car in the distance, leaving a trail of dust behind it on the unpaved road. It could only be Kageyama. No one else ever came here.

“Hold on, we gotta move,” he said, scooping Mei up and carrying her off the driveway onto the grass.

“Who’s that?” Mei asked, as Kageyama pulled into the drive.

“He’s my friend,” Shouyou replied. “We used to go to school together.”

“With Auntie and Uncle?”

“Yep. We were all friends.”

“He lives with you?”

“This is his house.”

“Why do you live here?”

“Um.”

It wasn’t an easy thing to explain to a four-year-old, why her father didn’t live with her anymore. They’d had this conversation before he moved out, but he traveled so often for work that Mei didn’t seem to understand that this time was permanent.

He didn’t have to answer her question, though, because Mei seemed to forget all about it as soon as Kageyama killed the engine and stepped out of the car.

“Daddy, he’s tall,” she whispered.

Kageyama looked at Mei apprehensively. “She’s here.”

Shouyou couldn’t help but think it was cute, how stiffly he stood in front of Mei, like he wasn’t sure if it was safe to approach the child.

Mei wrapped her arms around Shouyou’s neck and buried her face in his collarbone.

“Oh, you’re gonna pretend to be shy now?”

Mei lifted her head and peeked over her shoulder at Kageyama. “Do you play volleyball?” she asked softly.

Kageyama smiled awkwardly. “I do.”

“My dad is the best at volleyball.”

“Oh? Did he tell you that?”

“How old are you?” Mei asked. “I’m four.”

“I’m your dad’s age.”

“Tell him he looks older,” Shouyou whispered into her ear.

“You look old!” Mei declared.

Shouyou cackled, throwing his head back.

“That’s not fair, Hinata, making a four-year-old insult me for you.”

Mei squirmed in Shouyou’s arms. “Daddy, put me down.”

Shouyou deposited her onto the grass and she scampered over to Kageyama. “I saw two cats on the way here,” she informed him, reaching up for his hand.

“Really?”

Kageyama glanced over at Shouyou, panic in his eyes. Shouyou pressed a fist against his mouth to hide his grin. It was endearing, a man of Kageyama’s stature, afraid of a four-year-old.

“They were both girls,” Mei informed him.

“How do you know that?”

“Because I don’t like boys.”

“I’m a boy,” Kageyama pointed out.

“Well, that’s okay.”

Kageyama looked unsure how to respond. He looked to Shouyou for help.

“Did you name the cats, Mei-chan?” Shouyou asked.

“One’s name is Yoko, and the other one is Cat.”

Shouyou laughed. “Yoko and Cat?”

Mei stared up at Kageyama, eyes sparkling. “You’re the tallest person I ever met.”

She probably thought that was true, but most of Shouyou’s friends were volleyball players, so she’d met several people taller than Kageyama. She’d been in awe of all of them.

“What’s your name?”

Kageyama crouched down beside her. “You can call me Tobio,” he said.

“Tobio,” Mei said, her face serious. “You can call me Hinata.”

~

“Did you have fun with Daddy today?” Chiharu asked.

“Tobio taught me how to set!” Mei raved, hugging her rubber ball to her chest.

Shouyou smiled. To say that Kageyama was charmed by Mei would be an understatement. She’d taken to him immediately and pestered him until he liked her too. By the end of the day, he was wrapped around her little finger. She was definitely Shouyou’s kid.

He patted her head. “But you like spiking better, right?”

“No!”

“You break my heart, child.”

“You’re freak of the week, Daddy.”

Shouyou looked at Chiharu. “She’s been saying that all day.”

Chiharu rolled her eyes. “She heard Ryuu say it a few days ago.”

Shouyou chuckled. Since he’d become a dad, Tanaka had replaced his most colorful insults with cheesy, kid-friendly ones. He felt a stab of jealousy when he thought about the fact that Tanaka had seen more of Mei than he had since the divorce, but he tried to ignore it.

Chiharu crouched down beside Mei. “Why don’t you give Daddy a hug and then go brush your teeth?”

Mei raised her hands up to Shouyou and he scooped her up, hugging her tight. She wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Love you, Mei-chan.”

“I love you too, Daddy.”

“You be good, okay?”

“Okay.”

Chiharu placed a hand on her back. “I’ll be up to run your bath soon.”

Shouyou put her down reluctantly, watching wistfully as she ran up the stairs. The day hadn’t lasted long enough.

“So, did Kageyama spend all day with you two?” Chiharu asked.

Shouyou rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh. Yeah. Sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

He looked away. “I might have spoken too soon when I told you nothing was going on between us.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Did something happen?”

Shouyou flushed. “Just a kiss. We haven’t even talked about it.”

Chiharu sighed. “Well, what’s done is done. What’s important is that Mei likes him, right?”

He wasn’t so sure that was a good thing. Things could end badly with Kageyama, like they had ten years ago, and then Mei would be wondering why she didn’t get to see Tobio anymore. It was probably why Chiharu had been hesitant to let her meet him. Nothing had even happened yet, and it already felt like just another way he’d failed as a father.

“I’m sorry for other things too,” he said.

“Like what?”

“Not being there for you when you needed me.”

Chiharu sighed. “Let’s not get into this again. Just be here for us now, okay?”

He nodded. “Okay.”

“I’m not gonna lie, placing blame did help me get through this divorce,” she went on. “But it’s not gonna help Mei, and our relationship has to be about her now. It has nothing to do with me if you start seeing someone else.”

“It’s not…” Shouyou bit his lip. “I don’t think it’s like that.”

“Well, however it is, as long as you put Mei first, we’re gonna be fine. You feeling guilty isn’t doing us any good.”

He nodded. “I will. I promise.”

“And you don’t need to tell me what happens with Kageyama,” she added. “In fact, please don’t. I don’t think I’m ready to hear about your dating life just yet.”

He still felt guilty. Chiharu had always been the primary caregiver, which didn’t leave her time for much else. It was part of why their marriage fell apart. He wondered if she resented him for shacking up with Kageyama while she was still a full-time mom with no time for a personal life.

Chiharu placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a gentle shove. “Come pick her up on weekends, okay?”

“Really?”

“And we’ll call you more often.”

He smiled. “Okay.”

“This is hard for all of us, Shouyou,” she said. “But we’re gonna get through it. It’s gonna be okay.”

“I know,” he replied, though he wasn’t sure at all.

~

Kageyama was sitting on the front step when Shouyou got back. It had cooled down since that afternoon, and a gentle breeze swept his bangs back off his forehead. He was beautiful, and if Shouyou had seen him that way on any other day it would have taken his breath away. Right now, though, all he could feel was melancholy. He swallowed hard before stepping out of his car.

“Were you waiting for me?” he asked, shutting the door behind him.

Kageyama tilted his head back. “Just enjoying the fresh air.”

Shouyou trudged over and took a seat beside him. He stared out at the mountains in the distance. His throat burned.

“It’s a great view.”

“Yeah, that’s why I picked this place.”

Shouyou smiled tightly.

Kageyama leaned forward, twisting his head around to get a good look at Shouyou’s face. “You okay?” he asked.

“Lawn seems empty now, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah. It does.”

“We saw four cats on the way back,” Shouyou said. “She counts cats everywhere she goes.”

“Does she always name them?”

Shouyou sucked in a shaky breath, and suddenly tears he hadn’t felt coming were pouring down his cheeks. It was like a dam had burst, and every painful, self-deprecating thought was spilling out all at once. He hid his face in his hands, shaking with sobs.

“Hey, hey.”

Kageyama wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Shouyou threw his arms around Kageyama, squeezing his ribs tightly. He buried his face in Kageyama’s neck.

“Don’t tell me it will be okay,” he hiccuped. “Just let me be sad for a little bit, okay?”

He hadn’t realized how draining it was, pretending to be strong.

Kageyama rubbed his back. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the sad Hinata I've been promising. It was really hard to write him crying for some reason. But Mei was really fun to write. I based her off my niece.
> 
> Totally irrelevant to the story, but I imagine Chiharu as older and taller than Hinata.


	8. Disquiet

Tobio wasn’t used to having house guests. For two years he had lived in this house, and until recently, the only person he’d even had over was an ex-lover from Tokyo who used to stay with him whenever he had to travel to Osaka for extended “business” trips. But that guy never brought his kids over to visit, and he certainly didn’t bring his wife. So it stood to reason that having Chiharu over would make him a bit antsy.

He didn’t tell her as much, but he figured it went without saying.

She’d brought Mei for an impromptu weekday visit, which Tobio suspected was an excuse to come scope the place out. Mei had dragged Hinata out into the yard as soon as they’d arrived, leaving Tobio in the house with Chiharu.

He’d never had a one-on-one conversation with her before. He wasn’t sure he knew how to. He was pretty sure the only thing they had in common was Hinata, and he didn’t particularly want to talk to her about him.

Chiharu tapped her foot nervously. She at least had the decency to look as awkward as Tobio felt.

“So,” she said. “When did you switch teams?”

Tobio choked.

“What kind of question is that?” he cried, affronted.

Did he really need to explain to Hinata’s ex-wife that being gay wasn’t something he could turn on and off?

Chiharu blinked rapidly, startled. “You...used to play for a team in Tokyo, right? Back when you and Shouyou…”

Her voice trailed off, and Tobio blushed.

“Oh, that,” he said sheepishly. “T-two years.”

“Your house is kind of isolated, isn’t it?”

“For privacy,” he explained briefly.

“That’s not a bad idea. Maybe I should move,” Chiharu replied with a rueful smile. “The celebrity life is really not for me. I mean, things have settled down now, but still. Being associated with someone even semi-famous has always made me uneasy.”

That was a sentiment Tobio could relate to. Maybe they did have something other than Hinata in common.

“Uneasy is my default setting,” he said. “That’s why I’m never in the news.”

“Well, maybe some of that paranoia will rub off on Shouyou. I’d like to stay out of the news myself from now on.”

It was strange. They were divorced now, but Chiharu’s name would always be linked to Hinata’s. Tobio had never been in that kind of relationship. The kind that left behind evidence.

The day after their breakup, you could have scoured Tobio’s apartment and not found a trace of Hinata in it.

“Is it really over between you two?” he asked, cursing himself silently. This was the line of conversation he’d been actively avoiding, and he was the one to bring it up.

He hated that he even cared. Every other guy he’d dated had some kind of baggage, but none of that ever bothered Tobio. They’d only been there to scratch an itch. Their personal lives outside of that were none of his business.

But this was Hinata, so he couldn’t stop caring no matter how much he tried.

“I’m still trying to have a good relationship with him,” Chiharu said. “Because we have a daughter, and I want her to be happy.”

Tobio nodded.

“I think a part of me will always love him,” she went on. “But the romance aspect of our relationship was over long before the divorce, so you don’t have to worry.”

“I wasn’t worried,” Tobio said, a little too quickly. “You two just seem to get along well, that’s all.”

“Because we’re divorced,” she replied. “We used to fight about every stupid thing. We only get along now because I don’t have to see his dumb face every day.”

Tobio smiled crookedly. He liked Hinata’s dumb face.

“So you don’t regret it?”

“I still get nostalgic,” Chiharu admitted. “Once a relationship is over, I think it’s easy to remember all the good times and forget all the reasons it didn’t work.”

“Not for me,” Tobio replied. “I remember those parts better than anything.”

Chiharu smiled sympathetically. “Is that another symptom of your chronic uneasiness?”

Tobio laughed ruefully. “My uneasiness _was_ the reason it didn’t work with him.”

“That’s not what Shouyou told me.”

His heart rate spiked.

“Really? What did he say?”

“It was before he came out to me, so he didn’t tell me much,” she replied. “Just that he messed everything up.”

He didn’t know why Hinata would have said that. Tobio had been impossible to be with. He’d never had time for Hinata, but he still wanted him all to himself. He would get insecure when Hinata spent his time with anyone else. Especially when that someone was Chiharu.

“I used to be threatened by you, you know?”

She laughed. “Me?”

“I was afraid he would leave me for you. Self-fulfilling prophecy, I guess.”

“But he didn’t leave you for me.”

It was technically true, but he’d spent years blaming Chiharu for the breakup. He’d told himself that Hinata never would have left him if he didn’t care so much about her. It was easier than admitting he’d been a shit boyfriend.

“He did leave though,” he said. “And he married you.”

Chiharu looked down at her lap. “It took him years to get over you.”

“You don’t have to say that.”

“I’m serious. For a long time, _I_ felt threatened by _you._ ”

It was nice of her to say, but it wasn’t the same. She couldn’t know what he felt like when he was with Hinata. She got to have the relationship with him that he never could. She was the one who could hold his hand in public. Introduce him to her family. Marry him.

Chiharu placed a hand on his knee. “Are you okay?” she asked softly.

“This looks cozy.”

Tobio twisted his head around to see Hinata standing in the doorway, holding Mei’s hand.

“When did you come in?”

“Just now. Mei needs to use the bathroom.”

“Go then. Shoo,” Chiharu said, waving him away. “We’re talking about you.”

“Well then,” Hinata held up his free hand in surrender. “Wouldn’t want to stop you. This way, Mei-chan.”

“Daddy, do bugs go to the bathroom?” Mei asked, as Hinata ushered her away.

~

“What did you and Chiharu talk about?”

Tobio snorted. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Whatever she told you about me, it’s a lie.”

Tobio pulled a towel out of the hamper and gave it a shake. “It’s kind of weird,” he mused.

Hinata placed a folded t-shirt on their stack of clean laundry. “What is?”

“She knows you better than anyone, doesn’t she?”

“I guess so.”

Tobio placed his towel on the stack. “Ten years ago, no one could’ve told me anything about you that I didn’t already know.”

It was easy to forget that ten years had passed. That they were both different people than they were when they’d dated. Back then, they’d never shared such domestic activities as folding laundry together. They’d never lived together, cooked for each other, shared household chores. Yet here they were, practically strangers, living like a married couple.

“What do you want to know?” Hinata asked.

Tobio reached into the hamper for another towel. “Does coffee still make you jittery?”

“No, but I can’t stand the taste.”

“Does your English still suck?”

“It’s good enough to get by. I’m also fluent in Portuguese, and my Spanish is decent.”

“Four languages? Really?”

“Are you impressed?”

Tobio scoffed.

“Come on, be a little impressed. You always thought I was an idiot.”

“I still think you’re an idiot.”

Hinata rolled his eyes. “Was that all you wanted to know?”

Tobio placed his towel on the stack. “No, it’s not working.”

“Huh?”

“Well, you don’t really learn the important stuff by asking questions, do you?”

“So do you want to get to know each other the way we did the first time? Practice some receives with me while you verbally assault me?”

“No.”

“Why? Aren’t you mean anymore?” Hinata asked. “You really _have_ changed. I’m learning so much already.”

Tobio cocked his head. “Was I mean to you?”

“No, not while we dated. A little inattentive, maybe.”

“Aww. Did Shouyou not get enough attention?”

“See, _now_ you’re being mean.”

“This isn’t mean. This is banter.”

Hinata laughed. “Whatever.”

Tobio pulled out the last towel and stared into the empty basket wistfully. “Do you think we would’ve stayed together?” he asked. “If I’d been there for you more?”

Hinata blushed. “What kind of question is that? How should I know?”

Tobio hadn’t been a good boyfriend. He’d thought a lot over the years - after he stopped blaming everything on Chiharu - about things that he could’ve done better. It had always been volleyball first, Hinata second. Maybe if he’d budged a little bit. Maybe if he’d spent more time with him, gone to that festival, danced with him at that wedding. Too many pointless maybes.

“Are you still the world’s worst dancer?” he asked.

“ _Second_ worst, Kageyama.”

Tobio held out his hand. “Show me.”

~

“I’m taking Chiharu to the sunflower festival next week.”

Tobio looked up from his phone. “No.”

Hinata rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t asking. I’m letting you know.”

Tobio glowered.

“Unless you want to go with me.”

“Why do you say that like it’s a real option?”

Hinata sulked. “It wouldn’t look like a date. People don’t see two dudes together and assume they’re on a date.”

Tobio knew what Hinata said was true. It wasn’t strange to go out in public with a friend from high school. But he still couldn’t. Just the thought of it made him feel exposed.

“I’ll be in Tokyo,” he said.

“You could go to Osaka for a day.”

“Why can’t you come to Tokyo instead?”

“Because I’m going to the sunflower festival.”

Tobio sighed. “Why even bring it up anyway, if you didn’t want my input? You’re just gonna do whatever you want, like always.”

“You think this is what I want?” Hinata replied. “I’d rather go with you.”

“I can’t just go to Osaka whenever I want.”

Hinata crossed his arms. “Well, I can’t put my life on hold for weeks at a time just because you’re not there.”

Tobio shook his head. It was true that they didn’t see each other often, and when they did, lately, it always ended up like this. They’d get into petty squabbles about Tobio’s insecurity and Hinata’s frustration at never seeing him. They’d had this exact fight too many times to count.

“It’s not like we’ll be alone together,” Hinata offered. “Tanaka and Kiyoko are going with us.”

“So I’m supposed to feel better that you and Chiharu are going on a double-date with a married couple?”

“Why do you always try to make it sound like I’m cheating on you?”

“Well, why’s it always Chiharu?”

“Why _not_? She’s my friend.”

Tobio wished Hinata could just stop being friends with her. He hated that he thought that way. He hated needing to be mollified.

“Just go with me,” Hinata said. “You’ll have fun.”

Tobio would _not_ have fun at a crowded festival, and Hinata knew it.

“I have conditioning.”

“Skip it.”

“I can’t.”

Hinata sank back into the sofa, pouting. “Fine. I’m going with Chiharu then.”

“Fine,” Tobio conceded. It wasn’t worth fighting over. He knew Hinata wouldn’t change his mind.

Hinata scowled. Tobio could tell he wanted to say more. He was making the face he always made when he wanted to continue an argument he’d already won.

“I said fine,” Tobio grumbled. “Why are you still glaring at me?”

“Why can’t you just do this one thing with me?” Hinata asked. “Am I really asking that much?”

Tobio sighed. He should have known Hinata wasn’t gonna let this go.

“Will you quit being childish? Just go with Chiharu.”

“I’m being _what_?”

Tobio looked away.

“It’s getting late,” Hinata mumbled, standing up. “I should get going.”

“I thought you were staying over.”

“I don’t feel like it anymore.”

Hinata rounded the couch and picked up his overnight bag off the floor. Tobio rose to follow him. He hated leaving things on bad terms like this.

“Shouyou…”

“Maybe you’re right,” Hinata said, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “Maybe I am being childish. Maybe I was naïve to think you would try.”

“What?”

Hinata sighed. “Tobio,” he said softly. “I’m tired of this.”

Tobio rubbed his temples. “I thought you didn’t need it to be easy.”

“I was wrong.”

He met Hinata’s gaze. “What does that mean?”

“Let’s break up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <('.'<) Hugs! I'm not sorry for what I've done.


	9. Endure

“So, I guess Chiharu has a type, huh?”

“Hmm?” Shouyou looked up from his rice. “Oh, I don’t know. We agreed to stay out of each other’s business.”

“Then forget I said anything,” Tanaka said, shoveling pork onto Shouyou’s plate. “You need to eat more meat.”

It was one of those days where Shouyou kept finding himself hopelessly distracted. Kageyama had had an early practice that morning, so he was gone before Shouyou woke up. In fact, they hadn’t had a chance to talk at all that day. Shouyou couldn’t stop checking his pockets, certain he’d forgotten something when he left the house. But his phone, wallet and keys were all accounted for. He wasn’t sure when they got to this point, where just one morning of Kageyama not seeing him off left him feeling like something was missing all day long.

He felt a little guilty for wishing he was home right now, having dinner with Kageyama. He should have been enjoying this time. It was his first dinner with Tanaka since the divorce.

It didn’t feel like one of their regular hangouts. The restaurant setting felt too formal. In the past, they’d have just gone to Tanaka’s house. But even though Shouyou knew he was welcome anytime, he still felt weird about going there. Kiyoko was Chiharu’s cousin, so even though Tanaka denied it, Shouyou couldn’t shake the feeling that she didn’t think very highly of him anymore. Chiharu told Kiyoko everything, after all.

The implications of Tanaka’s words suddenly registered.

“Wait, is Chiharu dating again?”

Tanaka smiled slyly.

Shouyou shook his head. “Actually, don’t tell me. I don’t need to know.”

“Got it.”

“So what type am I exactly?” he asked anxiously. “Is this new guy athletic? Does he have red hair? Is he short?”

“Do you actually want to know?”

“Nope. No, I don’t.”

Tanaka laughed. “Eat.”

Shouyou took a bite, obediently. “At least tell me if he’s better looking than me.”

Tanaka rolled his eyes. “You are objectively more handsome.”

“You don’t have to lie.”

“You say that, but your eyes were telling me you wanted me to lie.”

“You’re a jerk.”

Tanaka smirked. “You could never compete,” he said. “A real heartthrob, this guy. Solid ten.”

It was hard to tell how serious he was being.

Shouyou stabbed at his pork. “Good for Chiharu.”

He really should’ve been happy for her. She deserved to be happy. And it wasn’t like Shouyou hadn’t moved on first. It wasn’t Chiharu that he’d been thinking about all day.

But the thought of another man living in his house and seeing his daughter every day made him irrationally angry. Chiharu’s reservations about Kageyama suddenly made a lot more sense.

He stuffed a piece of pork into his mouth. He was getting ahead of himself. It wasn’t like it was that serious yet.

“So what’s up with you and Kageyama?” Tanaka asked around a mouthful of rice.

Shouyou swallowed. “I’ll find a place soon. Get off my back.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Shouyou blushed. “There’s nothing else to tell.”

As close as he was to Tanaka, he’d never opened up to him about his relationship with Kageyama. Chiharu was the only one he’d ever come out to.

Tanaka raised an incredulous eyebrow. “That’s not what your ex-wife seems to think.”

Shouyou choked on his rice. “That rat snitch!” he coughed.

“I mean, she didn’t mention Kageyama by name, but I can put two and two together.”

Tanaka tapped on his temple knowingly.

“So Kiyoko figured it out.”

“Yeah, Kiyoko figured it out.”

He wished he’d just told Tanaka himself. It didn’t seem right that his closest friend learned his deepest secret from someone other than him.

“How much do you know?”

Tanaka held up his hands. “Almost nothing, I swear.”

“I mean about me and Kageyama.”

“Do you want to die?”

Shouyou chuckled. “There’s really not much to know, though. Anymore.”

Tanaka looked unconvinced. “Come on.”

“I mean it,” Shouyou insisted. “I mean, we were in love, once...”

“Love?” Tanaka replied, genuine surprise in his voice.

Shouyou suddenly felt naked. Worse, actually. They’d played high school volleyball together; Tanaka had  _ seen _ him naked before. But he’d never felt this exposed.

It was one thing to admit they’d been in a relationship. It was another thing to express the depth of his feelings. He’d been so in love with Kageyama back then it hurt. It still hurt thinking about it now, and Shouyou feared it was written all over his face.

“But that was a long time ago,” he said. “Any...tension we’re feeling now is just leftover from ten years ago.”

“Kinda seems like you’re just playing it safe,” Tanaka replied. “And here I thought you were a risk-taker.”

Shouyou pouted. He hated being called out. “I don’t think I want to have dinner with you anymore,” he muttered.

Tanaka shrugged. “Hey, maybe I’m a hopeless romantic,” he said, “but I don’t think it’s such a crazy idea to give it another try.”

“I just got divorced,” Shouyou replied. “Anyways, I’m bad at relationships.”

“You’ve only been in two,  _ ever _ .”

“That’s one more than you’ve been in, so I don’t think you’re qualified to give me dating advice.”

“ _ Successful _ relationships take work,” Tanaka said. A little below the belt, if you asked Shouyou. “But you’re nothing if not hard-working.”

Shouyou fiddled with his chopsticks. “It didn’t work out the first time around. It’s unrealistic to expect it to now.”

“You didn’t get to where you are now by being realistic,” Tanaka replied. “You got here by working damn hard and proving the naysayers wrong. Besides, aren’t things different now? You said yourself that you’re different people now than you were back then.”

Shouyou sighed and took a bite of his pork. It wasn’t something he expected Tanaka to understand. He was happily married to his first love. He didn’t know what it was like to watch the person he loved grow further and further away and not know how to stop it.

It was true that he was a different person from ten years ago. But sometimes, with Kageyama, it felt as if no time had passed at all. If he could feel this way again after all that time, he could certainly lose it again, couldn’t he?

“Don’t you want something for yourself?” Tanaka asked.

“I have volleyball,” Shouyou said. The answer sounded hollow, even in his own ears.

“You know as well as I do that athletes have a shelf life,” Tanaka replied. “You have maybe ten good years left, if you’re lucky. When that’s over, where do you want to be?”

~

Shouyou woke to somebody pounding on his front door. He flipped over on the couch, burying his face in the cushion. Whoever it was, he wasn’t interested.

The pounding stopped after a couple of minutes, but as soon as it did, he felt something vibrate between the cushions. So that’s where his phone had gone. He let it ring.

The vibrating stopped shortly after, only to start right back up again. He groaned.

Whoever it was, they were persistent.

He fished his phone out from between the couch cushions.

“What?” he rasped.

“Hinata.” Chiharu’s voice sounded annoyed. “We were supposed to meet at the cafe.”

“I’m not going to the stupid festival,” he said.

“Yeah, I gathered,” Chiharu replied. “But can you at least answer your door?”

“Why are you here?”

“Because you stood us up, you jerk.”

Shouyou sighed. “The passcode is 0-6-2-1.”

“Seriously?”

“You can scold me about it later. Either come in or leave.”

He heard the faint beeping of the keypad outside his apartment, followed by the click of the latch opening. He didn’t move, even as he heard Chiharu approach him.

“Scooch,” she said.

“No,” he said into the cushion.

Chiharu lifted his feet and sat down, letting them fall onto her lap.

“You should change your passcode,” she said. “What if you get a stalker or something? Your birthday isn’t exactly classified information.”

“I’ll change it.”

Chiharu patted the back of his shin. “Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

“No.”

He couldn’t if he wanted to. An unforeseen consequence of being in a secret relationship was that there was no one he could talk to about it when they broke up.

“Will you tell me if I guess right?” she asked.

“No.”

“Did you break up with someone?”

Shouyou’s chest suddenly felt like it was collapsing in on itself. His shoulders began to shake with sobs, and hot tears seeped into the cushion beneath him. He thought he’d gotten past this part. Where were they even coming from anymore? He should’ve been withered up like a raisin by now.

“You can’t tell me about it?” Chiharu asked.

Shouyou shook his head.

“Someone famous?”

Shouyou nodded.

“Hinata. Come here.”

He lifted himself up and wiped his face with the back of his hand. He swung his feet off of Chiharu’s lap and planted them on the floor. The sudden motion made him dizzy. Chiharu grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him onto her chest.

“I can’t believe it’s really over,” he croaked.

Even though he’d been the one to end it, it felt unreal. That the person who had been the most important to him could suddenly be out of his life. It was like something was broken and he didn’t know how to fix it. Disconcerting, like walking into a room and forgetting why he’d gone there, but with fathomless pain.

Kageyama hadn’t tried to contact him since the breakup. Shouyou had given up on hoping he ever would.

“It was always hard,” he said. “But I thought as long as we loved each other, that I could handle it. Only, I don’t think...”

_ I don’t think he loves me anymore _ .

If he had, wouldn’t he have followed Shouyou out the door? Or at least said something,  _ anything _ , to make him stay? Instead, he’d just watched him walk away. Right up until the very end, Kageyama didn’t even try.

The whole way home, Shouyou had contemplated turning back around, telling Kageyama that he hadn’t really meant it. Even still, if Kageyama were to call him right now, he would probably take it all back.

But he wouldn’t call.

~

Shouyou’s stomach was in knots when he walked into Kageyama’s house. He’d gone over Tanaka’s words in his mind a hundred times, and he still didn’t know what he was going to do with them. It was true that he was once a risk-taker, but he’d become more cautious with age. Making too many mistakes will do that to a person.

“Hey, you’re home,” Kageyama greeted him, casually, like everything was normal.

“Hi,” Shouyou said.

Kageyama tilted his head. “Is something wrong?”

“Long day.”

He wasn’t lying. It had been unbearable. He’d managed to go ten years without talking to Kageyama, and now one day felt like an eternity. He wanted nothing more than to collapse into his arms and stay there all night.

Shouyou was supremely fucked.

Maybe Tanaka was right. Maybe it was better to give in. When they were younger, before they’d broken up, even before they’d started dating, he had always acted on instinct when it came to Kageyama. It was exhausting, now, overthinking every move. He was tired of holding back. That was probably why he found himself moving in on him now, backing him up against the wall.

“Hinata…” Kageyama said.

Shouyou’s heart pounded. “Should I stop?”

Kageyama swallowed. “No,” he breathed. “Keep going.”

Shouyou surged forward, capturing Kageyama’s lips with his. He reached up and placed his hands on the back of Kageyama’s neck, tangling his fingers into his hair. Kageyama groaned against his mouth, and Shouyou could feel the vibration in his own throat. It made him dizzy, and desperate to be closer.

The feeling was new and familiar at the same time, like visiting your childhood home after your parents turned your room into a home office. He wanted to relearn everything about Kageyama, to fill in that ten-year gap.

Kageyama moved from his mouth to his neck, trailing love bites down to his shoulder. Shouyou shivered.

He wanted to stay here forever.

“Tobio,” he breathed. “Can we…?”

“Mm.” Kageyama lifted his head. “Can we what?”

“Can we try again?”

Kageyama’s eyes grew wide, and he shoved Shouyou away. He had a look on his face like he’d just woken up in a strange place and didn’t know how he’d gotten there. Shouyou stumbled back, disoriented.

“What…?” He tried to grasp what just happened. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.” Kageyama clutched as his bangs. “I mean, yes.”

“What did I do?”

“That’s just it. You don’t even know. You never even looked back to see the damage you caused.”

Shouyou’s mouth felt dry. He licked his lips. “You...never called me either.”

“You’re the one who left!”

“It was...hard. Everything hurt too much.”

“You gave up!”

Tears stung Shouyou’s eyes, but he willed them not to fall. “That was so long ago.”

“I know. It’s been a lot longer for me than it has for you.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Do you even regret leaving?”

Shouyou took another step back. He couldn’t say yes. It wasn’t like it was that simple. Maybe it had been the wrong decision at the time. Maybe he’d made a mistake back then. But saying he regretted it would be like saying he was sorry for having Mei.

It wasn’t something Kageyama would understand. He could have his illicit affairs with high-profile men and then never think about it again after it was over. But Shouyou had been in two relationships his entire life, and they both left an imprint on him. As much as it hurt, he would never take any of it back.

At the same time, he couldn’t say no, that he didn’t regret leaving Kageyama. Instead, he said nothing, which felt just as wrong as either answer.

Kageyama clenched his fists. “You can’t just come crawling back to your ex-boyfriend when things don’t work out with your  _ wife _ .”

“I didn’t come crawling back,” Shouyou shot back indignantly. “You brought me here while I was drunk.”

“You know what I meant.”

“No, I  _ don’t _ . What do you think, that I’m using you? Do you even know me?”

“No!”

Shouyou scrubbed his face, digging his palms into his eye sockets. “Do you think I meant for any of this to happen? I didn’t go looking for you. If I hadn’t run into you accidentally in that parking lot, my life would’ve continued on like normal.”

“That’s the problem. You moved on. I didn’t.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I never stopped loving you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Melodrama...
> 
> Anyways, let's talk about Tanaka for a minute, and how he's supremely underrated. My favorite relationship in the anime is the early dynamic between Hinata and Tanaka, where Tanaka has Hinata convinced that he's cool because Hinata's too stupid to know any better. *chef's kiss*
> 
> Tanaka has been my favorite character to write in this fic. In fact, the time skip spoiler I saw about him is what inspired me to write Kagehina as real ass grown-ups. I imagine Tanaka and Kiyoko with twin boys, and it's utter chaos.
> 
> One more chapter to go and I thiiiiink I'm gonna add an epilogue, because I don't know how to write just one ending to a story.


	10. Stay

Hinata was waiting for him when Tobio shuffled into the living room in his sweatpants and socks. He froze in the doorway. He hadn’t expected Hinata to be up before him. And definitely not sitting primly on the sofa, a loaded duffel bag at his side.

He felt a chill run through his body. This felt too familiar.

“You’re leaving again.”

Hinata looked down at his lap. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Hinata.” Tobio gripped the fabric of his sweatpants to stop his hands from shaking. “What I said last night. It wasn’t fair.”

It had been the fear talking. He’d put up walls to stop anyone from getting close enough to hurt him. He’d spent so long avoiding commitment that he’d developed a fight or flight response to any expression of genuine feelings for him. It was his signature move; push them away as soon as things start to feel too serious. All that effort to avoid heartbreak, only to welcome back the only person capable of breaking his heart. How could he not be afraid?

“But you were right,” Hinata said. “I spent ten years hurting you without even thinking about it. I just went on with my life.”

“You couldn’t know what I was feeling.”

“All that time I thought you hated me.”

“You don’t get it,” Tobio said, crossing the room toward the sofa. He dropped to his knees in front of Hinata and looked up at him, his eyes pleading. “I didn’t spend those ten years mad at you for leaving. I spent them wishing I’d done more to make you stay.”

Hinata pinched his eyes shut. “You’re making this harder.”

He wanted to make it harder. Tobio didn’t think leaving him should be so easy.

“I can let go of the past,” he promised. “You’re not the bad guy. We both made mistakes back then.”

“That’s just it,” Hinata said, his voice almost a whisper. “It wasn’t a mistake for me.”

He might as well have plunged a knife into Tobio’s chest.

“What?”

“I don’t regret the life I had after you,” he said. “Falling in love again, getting married, even though it didn’t work out, I wouldn’t take back any of it. I can’t lie and say that I’m sorry for it.”

Tobio swallowed a lump in his throat. “I don’t care. I don’t need you to regret it.”

“Don’t lie.”

Tobio moved to the couch, shifting Hinata’s bag so he could sit beside him.

“Back then,” he said, the words burning his throat, “would you have stayed? If I asked you to?”

“It would’ve just been delaying the inevitable,” Hinata said flatly.

“But would you?”

Hinata turned his face away. “No.”

The knife in his chest twisted.

“Shouyou.” Tobio placed his hand on Hinata’s chin, gently nudging his face back in his direction. “Please don’t go.”

“I’m sorry,” Hinata said softly.

“I’ve tried so hard,” Tobio choked. “I’ve tried to be better to you than I was back then.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Then why do you have to go? You’ll hurt me again if you go.”

He knew he was being unfair, laying on the guilt like that. He didn’t want shame to be the reason Hinata stayed. But he needed him to stay. He had to try something. He didn’t know how he was going to get through the worst heartbreak of his life a second time.

Hinata reached for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Tobio felt something cold and hard pressed between their fingers.

“Take care, Tobio.”

He pulled his hand back, and Tobio stared down at the silver house key in his palm. He felt the sofa cushion shift beside him, but he didn’t look up, even when Hinata reached across him for his duffel bag. He wouldn’t watch him leave this time.

~

Tobio ignored the doorbell when it rang. He wasn’t in the mood for visitors. He was too busy wallowing in his grief. He sighed listlessly and rolled over onto his stomach, smothering his face in his pillow. The doorbell rang a second time and he groaned. Who would be ringing his doorbell so incessantly?

He lifted his head.

Who would be ringing his doorbell  _ at all _ ? Nobody ever came all the way out to his house.

He glanced over at his night stand, where Hinata’s key lay. The front door was locked. If Hinata came back, he would have no way to get in.

Tobio snatched up the key and jumped out of bed, bounding toward the front door. He swung it open to find a startled Chiharu, fist raised, poised to knock. Tobio’s heart sank.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m looking for Shouyou,” she said. “He’s not answering his phone.”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

Tobio swallowed. “Hinata moved out this morning.”

Her jaw dropped. “This is the first I’ve heard of it. Where did he go?”

“He didn’t tell me.”

Chiharu wrung her hands nervously. “Did he seem okay when he left? It’s not like him to ignore my calls.”

“Not really, no.”

“Kageyama.” Her voice quavered. “If something happened to him…”

“Nothing happened to him,” he tried to reassure her, although his own heart was racing. “I’ll help you look, okay? I’ll swing by the hotel he was staying at before.”

Chiharu nodded. “Okay.”

“You should go home,” Tobio said. “In case he goes there.”

She nodded again.

He watched her walk back to her car and pull out of the driveway before he shut the door. He pinched his eyes closed and leaned his head against the frame. His brain felt scrambled. He took a deep breath, trying to organize his thoughts.

Hinata wasn’t  _ missing _ , he told himself. He was just being overdramatic. Though he might have been too upset to drive when he left. Maybe Tobio should have made him wait until he calmed down.

Although he probably wouldn’t have listened anyway. It wasn’t as if Tobio hadn’t begged him to stay.

“He’s fine,” he assured himself, walking toward the coffee table to grab his car keys.

His phone was on the table as well. He picked it up and unlocked it, scrolling through his contacts for Hinata’s name. It was probably fruitless if he wasn’t answering Chiharu’s calls, but Tobio had to try. He hit call, but before he could even bring the phone to his ear, he heard a buzzing from the couch. He looked from his phone to the couch, then back to his phone. He hung up. The buzzing stopped.

Tobio stuffed his hand behind the sofa cushion and pulled out Hinata’s phone.

“Well shit,” he muttered.

~

“What are you doing here?” Tanaka asked. He’d opened the glass door of his studio just far enough to stick his head out. “I’m in the middle of a session.”

“Sorry,” Tobio said. “I’m just looking for Hinata. Did he tell you where he was going?”

“I haven’t seen him since dinner last night,” Tanaka replied. “He didn’t show up this morning. I swear to god, if he wasn’t my friend I would drop him as a client.”

“He moved out,” Tobio said. “But I don’t know where he went. His car’s not at the hotel where he was staying before.”

Takana looked taken aback. He stepped outside. “He actually moved out?”

Tobio scrubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah.”

“When I talked to him yesterday, it seemed like he didn’t want to.”

“Well, I remedied that pretty quick,” Tobio replied.

“Did you try Chiharu?”

“She doesn’t know where he is. She’s freaking out.”

Tanaka took a deep breath. He glanced back at his client. “I have to get back,” he said. “But I’ll let you know if he stops by.”

Tobio nodded. “Can you tell Chiharu I have his phone? I don’t have her number.” He held up Hinata’s phone. “And this is locked.”

Tanaka stared at him. “He left it at your house?”

“Yeah, it slipped behind the sofa cushion.”

“So wouldn’t he go back for it eventually?”

Tobio froze. “Oh,” he said quietly.

It seemed so obvious now, he felt like an idiot for not thinking of it himself. Of course Hinata would realize that he’d left his phone, and he would have to come back for it. Tobio could have saved himself the trouble and just waited for him there.

“I should go home,” he muttered.

“Uh,  _ yeah _ .”

He gave Tanaka a quick bow before sprinting to his car.

He practiced breathing like a normal person as he drove home. There was a chance that Hinata was there waiting for him right now. Tobio didn’t know if he was ready for that. On one hand, he wanted to see Hinata. On the other hand, he didn’t want to see him leave again. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel anxiously.

What would he say when he saw Hinata again? What could he say that hadn’t already been said?

He blasted his horn at the car in front of him, driving the speed limit. It was inconsiderate of other drivers to follow traffic laws when Tobio was in a hurry to get home.

The sun was setting by the time he turned onto the road toward his house. Hinata’s car was in the drive, and Hinata sat on his front step, elbows on his knees, looking bored. Tobio took a deep breath before stepping out of his car.

“You were gone a long time,” Hinata said quietly.

“I was looking for you,” Tobio replied, walking toward him.

Hinata shifted uncomfortably. “Really?”

Tobio pulled Hinata’s phone out of his pocket. “Chiharu is worried about you,” he said, handing it over.

“Thanks. I’ll call her.”

“Tanaka too,” Tobio added.

Hinata nodded, licking his lips.

It felt cruel to have to see him like this, when he would just disappear again. He hadn’t even had a whole day to recover. Tobio shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He suddenly wished he hadn’t come back after all. He wanted to go inside, back to the comfort of his bed, but Hinata was blocking his door. Would it be rude to ask him to move?

“Well then,” he said, hoping he would just take the hint.

Hinata cleared his throat. “I didn’t come back for the phone.”

Tobio’s heart stopped. “You didn’t?”

Hinata shook his head.

Tobio dug into his pocket and fished out his spare house key. It dropped to the ground, and Tobio’s hand shook as he knelt down to pick it up. He said a small prayer before holding it out toward Hinata.

“Did you come back for this?”

Hinata reached out and took the key, his hand lingering on Tobio’s for a moment.

“The offer is still open, right?”

“Of course.”

Hinata held the key in both hands, staring down at it intensely, like he had something difficult he wanted to say to it. Tobio took a seat next to him on the step.

“What made you change your mind?”

Hinata turned the key over in his hand. “I never really wanted to leave. I just got scared, so I ran away.” He laughed half-heartedly. “I didn’t even have anywhere to go. I just drove around until I could work up the courage to come back.

Tobio shifted closer, so their thighs touched. “I’m scared too,” he admitted. “I was afraid you would leave me again, so I pushed you away.”

“And I was afraid of repeating old mistakes,” Hinata replied. “So I did exactly what I did back then.”

“I thought you said it wasn’t a mistake,” Tobio reminded him bitterly.

“That was an oversimplification,” Hinata said. “I know I could’ve done better, but if I could go back in time ten years and start over, I wouldn’t do things any differently. If we start over now, though...”

Tobio nodded. “Me too.”

There was a lot he would do differently this time around.

Hinata closed his fist around his house key. “I lied,” he said. “Earlier.”

“About what?”

He turned his face away. “I didn’t know,” he said. “That you loved me.”

Tobio’s face grew hot. “I didn’t think I was being that subtle.”

“I mean back then. When I broke up with you. I thought you’d stopped.”

“Why?”

“You didn’t seem happy. And it felt like you never wanted to see me.”

“That’s why you left?”

Hinata looked up at him. “I didn’t want to break up. I thought, if you loved me, you would stop me.”

“Did you break up with me to test me?”

“I know it’s cruel. That’s why, this morning…” Hinata swallowed. “I thought it would be easier on you if I just lied. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to be honest this time around, so if you ask me again, I’ll tell you the truth.”

Tobio placed a hand on his shoulder. “Hinata,” he said. “Would you have stayed back then if I’d asked you to?”

Hinata nodded. “Yeah,” he choked.

Was it really that easy? All that time Tobio spent wondering what he could have done differently, and all he’d had to do was tell Hinata he still wanted him?

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“I know.” Hinata brushed Tobio’s cheek with the back of his hand. “Me too.”

He slid his fingers down to Tobio’s chin and coaxed his lips apart with his thumb. That simple touch alone made his head spin. Hinata leaned in and kissed him softly, his thumb still tucked in the corner of his mouth. Tobio’s eyes fluttered closed as he returned the kiss. A shiver ran down his spine, all the way to his toes. It felt new and familiar, and when it was over, he still felt Hinata on his lips. He pressed their foreheads together.

“Stay with me,” he said. He was prepared to ask as many times as it took.

“It’s not over until you stop trying, right?” Hinata replied.

Tobio let out a breathy laugh. “I’m gonna try so hard,” he said.

He took Hinata’s hand and squeezed. Hinata squeezed back.

“Let’s go inside,” he said.

He stood, pulling Tobio up with him.

Tobio laced their fingers together as Hinata led him to the door. “Shouyou,” he said.

“Tobio?”

He smiled. “Welcome home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna update yesterday, but my migraine said no. I couldn't look at a word document even with my screen on dark mode. But I'm still alive, so here's your ending. I hope it was everything you hoped for.
> 
> They were both kinda stupid right up until the end there, but I hope I gave enough details earlier in the story to explain why they would act that way. Drama is fun, but manufactured drama is not, so I'm always questioning if I've stepped over that line.
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with me to the end! I wrote a short epilogue that I'll probably post in the next couple of days. It's blissfully happy to make up for how depressing these last few chapters were. If you made it through all this angst, you deserve some fluff.
> 
> I aged ten years writing this. I'm gonna write a lighthearted comedy next to recover.


	11. Epilogue

“Dad!”

Mei peeked her head around the corner into the kitchen. Shouyou nodded pointedly at the sink, where his hands were currently submerged in soapy water, as if to say, “I’m in the middle of something here.”

“Have you seen my knee pads?” she asked.

“Did you check the laundry?”

“The laundry!” Mei replied, smacking her forehead. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

Shouyou rolled his eyes. “Who raised you to be so sarcastic?”

“Tobio.”

Shouyou placed a clean plate on the rack to dry. “I’ll have to have a word with him later.”

Mei sidled up to her father and rested her head against his shoulder. She was almost as tall as him now, a fact that Tobio liked to rub in his face.

“He offered to teach me how to drive.”

“You’re underage, and he drives too aggressively,” Shouyou protested. “We can’t have his road rage rubbing off on you. Your mom’ll have my head.”

“Spoil sport.”

“You don’t want me to teach you how to drive?” he asked, drying off his hands.

“Tobio’s more fun,” Mei replied.

“In twenty five years, I’ve never heard anyone say that Kageyama is fun.”

“Are you guys talking about me in here?” Tobio asked, idling into the kitchen. “I just got chills.”

“You should have them all the time,” Mei replied. “Now that the whole country is talking about you.”

Tobio glowered.

Shouyou laughed. “How does it feel to be the center of attention for the first time?”

“Like I’m living in a fishbowl,” Tobio grumbled.

“Well, it’s not every day a pro athlete announces his retirement and comes out on the same day.”

Tobio wedged himself between the Shouyou and Mei, draping an arm around each of their shoulders. Shouyou smiled to himself. Now that Tobio’s secret was out, it probably wouldn’t be long before people connected the dots and figured out about Shouyou. He didn’t mind. He probably still had one more good season in him, but if this story broke and ended his career, that would be okay too. It was hard to believe there was a time when he thought he’d have nothing without volleyball. Now his life was overflowing.

Tobio dropped his arm from Shouyou’s shoulder to pull his keys out of his pocket. He jingled them in front of Mei.

“Are you ready to go back to your mom’s?”

“I can’t find my knee pads,” Mei replied.

“They’re in my car. You really need to stop leaving your sweaty knee pads in my car.”

“Whatever. Your car stinks anyway.”

“Do you want to learn how to drive or not?”

“I’m sorry. I love you.”

Shouyou sighed. “Take my car, it’s smaller,” he said sternly. “And stay off the main roads. And if Chiharu blows a gasket, I’m telling her you two ganged up on me.”

Mei grinned. “Love you, Dad,” she said, going in for a hug.

Shouyou wrapped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “Be safe,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “See you next weekend.”

“Okay, okay. Let go.”

“Why did you have to go and turn into a teenager?” he said, releasing her. “I miss when you used to be cute.”

“Yeah, well, I take after you, so I had to grow out of it eventually.”

Tobio cackled.

“Tobio, why are you teaching my kid to talk to me the way you do?”

“Aw, Dad, you know I’m just teasing you. You’re still my favorite of all my dads.”

“I still think you’re cute, Shou,” Tobio said, leaning in for a warm kiss.

It didn’t give Shouyou butterflies the way it used to, but it made him feel safe, a feeling he once thought he could never have with Tobio.

“Do you have to do that in front of me?” Mei protested. “You’re gonna see each other in an hour, and then you can be as gross as you want.”

“Oh, believe you me, we’re gonna be  _ so _ gross later.”

“Ugh!” Mei cried, throwing up her hands. “That’s it, I’m waiting in the car.”

Shouyou chuckled as Mei stormed out of the house. He looked up at Tobio. “You’re really okay?”

“I’m getting used to it,” Tobio replied. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with all this free time though. Maybe I should start coaching.”

“Don’t do it. You would be the meanest coach ever. Everyone would quit.”

“Are you gonna keep me busy then?”

Shouyou swatted his arm. “I’m still working. Take a pottery class, or whatever it is old people do.”

“You’re older than me!”

Shouyou laughed. He brushed a lock of hair out of Tobio’s eyes. He made a mental note to bug him later to get a haircut.

“I love you,” he said, his voice serious.

“Pssh. I know.”

Shouyou’s car horn blasted from outside, and Tobio rolled his eyes. “I’d better go.”

“Go,” Shouyou replied. “Don’t let her speed. And don’t get pulled over.”

“I know, I know,” Tobio said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Shouyou smiled as he watched Tobio bound out the door. He was proud of the unconventional family he’d built. The fruits of his labor. It hadn’t been an easy journey. In the last ten years, he’d learned three very important lessons.

First, that it’s never really over until you quit trying. That was a lesson he’d had to learn a few times over.

Second, to always look forward, because regret won’t get you anywhere.

And third, that Tobio did not have the patience to help with math homework.

He wondered if Tobio remembered what day it was. He didn’t expect him to. It wasn’t like Shouyou had his divorce papers framed or anything. Ten years ago, he’d been having what he thought was the worst day of his life. He’d had no idea what was about to start in that courthouse parking lot.

That wasn’t where it really began, of course. If you wanted the whole story, then it started with a middle school volleyball tournament, where Shouyou Hinata met Tobio Kageyama for the first time.

Shouyou thought that maybe the gods knew what they were doing after all.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over for real this time.  
> I have to apologize for my American-ness. Dads illegally teaching their underage teenagers to drive is a rite of passage here, but I have no idea if that's a thing in other countries.  
> Thanks for joining me on this journey. It's been fun. I'll miss writing this.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't read the manga yet, so anything from the canon timeskip that shows up in this fic is because some people don't tag their spoilers on tumblr. My name is the same on tumblr, btw, in case you wanted it check out the embarrassing amount of bl and gl manhwa I've read since this pandemic started.


End file.
